lucifer_112
Everyone starts somewhere. I won't Curse you for blowing my mind with the first para, but I'll advise you, to try and use punctuation marks to end a sentence. Use exclamation and question marks to show emotions. You can also use comma and 'and' in a sentence to make them prim and proper. I can tell you're fast paced due to your excitement to put out those chapters as fast as possible, but a little effort improves the quality by a lot. I will come back later when the story is readable by my standards. The system shard concept is good.