Comments of chapter undefined of Vampir Lord: Erotic RPG
Vampir Lord: Erotic RPG
Duke_Asmodeus
Chapter comments40
Sorry if it got a little long, I want to give my point of view as best I can, in the hope that I can help you in some way. If I have any complaints, it would be about how the story is picking up girls nonstop, with no time to better engage with the ones he already has. I'm not saying there isn't, but (in my humble opinion) there is less than there should be.
For example, when he met the vampire girl, the first FMC, when he had that moment with her on the grass, I could visualize her so well... I could feel their feelings, because it was just their moment, just them, and with your own worries... In short, I'm just saying that isolated moments are very important in these kinds of stories, in the kind of multi-heroine stories that you're creating.
he has a blood pact with the rabbit whose also the demon queens knight was first male blood of camilla apparently both fallen arachnid princess slaves want him one already did apparently the marriage motions and he accepted the other wants to have him because her sister has him or something passed the lizardman/true dragons test and now shes obsessed with him has the demon queens second core which is basically marriage apparently his dead sister is his systems soul and he hasn't really captured but at least has started on camilla's grandma in the bunny the demon queen camilla you've made description that basically translates to their his they cant leave him they cant undo the bindings they have with him bunny cant loose affection camilla cant go against him and hes the only one who can impregnate the demon queen he owns the arachnid sisters and the lizardman idk what you consider a "capture" of a heroine but you've basically laid out their his they want him he wants them almost all of them would sleep with him as soon as he asked the was no mention on him recieving said reports asking for them or her giving them also his fiancee isnt a general isnt a spymaster or active political nobility you've painted her so far as a sheltered noble girl who likes her flower garden and has a huge crush on the mc even if shes recieving lessons on being a high ranked noble lady or something I doubt high ranked military reports fall under her her grandma would be believable and it's a chapter comment not a review I was commenting up to what I had read it's not my job to know the future plot I can only know up to what I've read it's your job to write the story where the plot flows seems believable and doesnt have glaring plot holes I'm not saying you should be some pro author I just commented on the fact that at that point it looks the same as the 1000 other churned out mass chapters most webnovel paid novels are known for so if anything I put you in the same category as those "pro" authors since it looked the same to me
