Comments of chapter undefined of Gaara of the Desert Reincarnation
Gaara of the Desert Reincarnation
Silent_Storm_1
Chapter comments10
It's good that you are stopping. I will point out a few things where you messed up. 1. That Kohaku or Koharu whatever her name is. That OC was unnecessary and sus. She was taking too much advantage of MC and their conversation usually involved MC blushing and flustering which was bad. 2. The extra Uchihas were unwarranted and annoying. The boy was too rude to MC for no reason and the girl was too sus. She also wanted to become MCs rival and MC seemed to like her a bit too much. Their mother was also too rude and using MS to threaten MC was too much. Her kids were the ones at fault and she had no right to be angry at MC. 3. MC apologises too much. He also gets too attached to people who show him pity or show a little bit of goodwill. 4. MC is too spent after each fight. I have not yet seen a fight where MC dominates the opponents in a cool manner. Sure he did kill a few people or captured a team but those were all cannon fodder trash. As long as someone relevant to cannon comes along, MC struggles. I would have liked to see MC dominating his matches as he being a reincarnated person should be better than this. 4. MC doesn't train enough. He is dependent on past people's Jutsu and advice. Has to depend on Shukaku to get help in bending iron sand. He should show some originality and innovative ideas that someone from earth might have. He also doesn't try to desperately get stronger and is too much interested in fitting into cannon and keeping everything the same even if it is clearly derailed by the presence of OCs like the new Uchihas. These are just some of the points. I don't have more time to write the others so I hope these will be of help in your next attempt. Your English is good and sentence structure along with dialogues are nice. So I belive you can make a successful book as long as you think out your plot well. Good luck!
Well it was a nice try and wasn't that bad. The MC doesn't train enough. He is dependent too much on past people's Jutsu and advice. He should show some originality and innovative ideas that someone from earth might have. Sand can be very powerful and terrible. There are a lot of powerful sand user from different anime and movie out there. As an otaku he should have known about them (Crocadile from One Piece, Sandman from Marvel, Sajin Higawara from My Hero Academia, etc.) . Take Crocodile from One piece for example his awaken devil fruit is very powerful. He has the ability to create terrible sandstorms, absorb the water from people bodies, or even transform earth into sand. Don't forget his logia devil fruit that give him the ability to transform his body into sand. Just imagine if the mc were able to replicate some of those technics or body constitution with jutsu techniques, just imagine how powerful he will become. Don't forget about the other sand users from other animeverse unique technics. By try to replicate some of those technics or body constitution all though the mc will not be as powerful as Six Path Madara, but the mc will still be powerful enough to be consider a Sand god Shinobi.
