Comments of chapter undefined of My throne

It has some potential. Some grammatical improvements to improve reading quality, such as adding commas to break up run-on sentences. The hyphening is alright for indicating conversations. But sometimes it seemed like it went for both external and internal conversation, so that was a bit confusing at times. And the expositions (such as putting things inside of parentheses) is a bad touch, I’d recommend finding a way to incorporate those parentheses into the story so that it is explained in the literary flow. Adding in parentheses indicates authors thoughts, and it breaks up the readers immersion. Also, you could have longer paragraphs. The many line breaks for me, made it a bit more of a chore to read, as the constant one or two sentence paragraphs was more of a visual tick for me that made it harder to want to continue to read, again it might improve overall flow and perception for the reader. All in all though, it’s certainly not the worst. And seems to have some decent potential. Keep it up.

The story seems very interesting, improving the grammar will make it more better.

one of its kind, keep It up.

This is very different from what I'm used to, 💫 however I like the story so far. So thanks for the chapter! ✳️

Good chapter

I really like rokyo, the way you have shown her character, it's very good!

Uww~ such a strong and confident girl our FL is..... Really liked Ryoko and her right hand's friendship.....

There's potential here, and some proofreading and revising would go a long way in bringing it to the surface. As for your heroine, you'd want to explore her background and childhood thoroughly at some point, especially with regard to her inordinate talent for fighting and her inexplicably Japanese name in an otherwise Western-inspired setting. (maybe one or both her folks hail from the in-universe stand-in for Asia/Japan?)

Nice chapter

I like how the scenes were used to describe her struggles within her family, and how her reactions were used to showcase her headstrong character. I think there's a better way to explain who's who in the narrative without enclosing explanations in parenthesis, but it was definitely helpful in distinguishing the characters. This is an interesting opening for the story.

There's loads of potential here, and it'd just take a good bit of proofreading and revision so the potential can be realized. Keep writing, keep getting better, keep revisiting and going back to your output to see what can be improved on :)

loving the bonding between the characters....I love how beautifully you describe their frendship

I think there is an outline for a good plot, but the writing needs a bit of polishing. Other than grammar which I'm sure the author is already working on hopefully, I think the pacing is a bit too fast because a lot of characters aren't introduced to us and only mentioned in brackets. Seeing there are many more chapters, I think that your writing must have surely improved overtime, please come back and give this one an edit!

Interesting start! Love Ryoko already! One comment - proofread. Try using a free version like Grammarly that can help with minor problems and spelling

Interesting Start

I loved the start so far! Ryoko is a strong spirited girl and knows what she wants. That's what I'm talking about!!!

TFTC

Bro your writting was captivating, gonna add it in my library[img=recommend]

I really like the idea and I think it has a lot of potential. I hope you keep growing as a writer when the story continues bc you're already pretty great. keep it uppp