Comments of chapter undefined of Let Me Embrace Beauties In Peace
Let Me Embrace Beauties In Peace
ShadowLord
Chapter comments13
Okay, so since this is an original, as an English creative writing major id like to give a few tips. First you keep refering to the same repeatedly. Like saying the clan several sentences in a row even though the subject of the sentences never changed. After the initial mention of a person or organization. Like in one paragraph you mention the shi clan patriarch several times when later, until a new subject was introduced, you could have refered to him as he or they. If you were to mention the clan as a whole, again several times in a row, you could say it or they. They being the plural version of the word that’s most commonly used. Second, and this is something I do in my writing, or try too, is to read through what you write OUT LOUD. You’ll that things that you put on paper don’t flow like you thought it did as soon as it leaves your mouth or mind. Three, your using way to many commas. This can be fixed again by reading through out loud before posting chapters. If it seems like a complete thought put a period not a comma. Now if the two sentences are connected in some way you can use a semicolon “;” (that thing); semicolons are quite useful. See what I did there? Generally you can use parenthesis for side tangents, but don’t it too much. If you’d like line edits as I go through and read I’d be more than willing. I think this has potential just needs touching up. I’d just leave comments wherever possible. If you read through all this than thank you and hope it helps. If you have any grammar questions I’d be happy to answer them.
