Comments of chapter undefined of The Magical Gamer's Journey.
The Magical Gamer's Journey.
Void_1234
Chapter comments11
2 things. 1. First! 2. You NEED to use timeskips! I'm glad to see that you added the "Pov" change when the Pov did change but you haven't actaully used a timeskip at all in this book and it makes it extremely difficult to read. A few chapters in the MC is deciding wether to leave his forest for Mistral or not and says he will go after he max's Dark Needles Level. In the very next line, with absolutely no indication that time has passed, he says hes not going to Mistral as he is staring at a crystalline figure (which we soon find out to be his first golem). How long passed between his decision to go and then not go? It could have been a few minutes or a month but you didn't tell us so we don't know. A much worse example is when hes training Pyrrha. Throughout the time he was training her, 6 MONTHS had apparently passes and yet there was absolutely no indication of that. The only reason we even know this is because he said it in his thoughts to the reader. You never gave a single timeskip during the training part and if the MC hadn't thought how long had passed we would have never known! Timeskips in stories like this are a NECESITY not something to just ignore. Otherwise the readerd have no idea how long has passed in a given amount of time and it can make the story extremely hard to follow. Even just putting a line that says (Timeskip 10 minutes) or something like that is all thats necessary. Please start putting timeskips in.
Thanks for the chaptersss! I hope there's more coming. Actually I've never watched or even read about RWBY. Maybe just a bit, like really bit of characters because of the fan fic. I wanna read this story of Rwby under your writings. I want recognised this story as originals. Not a fan fic. So im anticipate for more plot buildings. Also please throw in some world settings n backgrounds would you?