Comments of chapter undefined of Chaos' Heir
Chaos' Heir
Eveofchaos
Chapter comments33
Let me just ask, are you writing exclusively a range novel? Cause even in actual romance novels when the main couple interact it’s not always about their relationship. 8/10 if Monica is in the same room as Kahn we are hearing for at a minimum half a chapter about whatever is going on in their relationship. Maybe you don’t realize how much the story has taken a 180 from how things were originally because you’v been writing for so long but as soon as Martha was out of the picture the balance between action, training and romance was flushed down the toilet. Kahn can’t even meditate in his own room w/o him worrying he wil neglect his partner, dies Monica not practice because she can get synthetic mana and is thus always stuck to Kahn? I don’t think you realize you’ve fallen into the trap of telling and not showing. You tell us how busy Kahn is, you tell us he has to study, you tell us he has to train but we’re hardly ever shown that when he’s in a relationship because he’s ALWAYS STUCK TO HIS PARTNER. It started on Nicols when he had his alien girlfriend but at least we saw him training and learning things. Harbor is supposed to be him learning politics but we’re only ever shown him playing suck face with Monica and are supposed to assume off screen that at some point when they’re together they actually are really studying and not just in honeymoon mode. I actually really like this story but I’ starting to hate buying to get the extra chapters cause it’s just thousands of words about NOTHING but his relationship
this is something I've been talking about for a while, about him always finding a way not to face what needs to be faced. And always running away from his mental issues
J_h85:I think you don’t feel the story has abruptly changed because to you it hasn’t. You’ve been writing this for months. I pretty much binged the entire story in a week so from the perspective of a reader it’s done a 180. I also acknowledge I didn’t mind the relationship chapters w/ Kahn’s other gf as annoying because I had plenty of other chapter ahead of him doing something other than pandering to a girl whose only default method of flirting is throwing small temper tantrums. Chapter by chapter it’ excruciating. However as you said you’re learning and I can’t and in fact am not trying to force you to change your story. I can like a story and be irritated by aspects of it, I can like a story and hate some of the characters. If as you say romance is an important part of the story because Kahn is using his relationship as a coping mechanism to not handle his feelings then fine. But realistically speaking Kahn doesn’t want to be in relationships he needs to be. If Monica died tomorrow he’d be in a new relationship in a month because the way you’ve written him he doesn’t care who he’s in a relationship with as long as he’s in one. Having to read through all the scenes of him building a relationship when I know he’ll eventually flush it down the toilet feels like a waste of my time. Kahn cares about these women because they’re a distraction from what he really has to deal with so he puts in all the effort to make relationships succeed to avoid working on himself. That’s the vibe I get from his character this far, so repetitive romance is especially irritating since he has a new girl for every new story arc. He’s had 4 relationships and if he’s not going to be truly invested in any of them I don’ know why we have to read about them so exhaustively I will still continue to read but I hope you know where I’m coming from now when I say the longer chapters don’t do anything but let you pad the story with romance scenes since if you took them out they’dbe a third of the length and we still wouldn’t miss anything that actually advances the plot
I don't know if it's done on purpose but their relationship seems very juvenile. They talk to each other like they're in their early teens which is bizarre since Khan has had some relationship experience. It feels a bit cringe but part of me thinks it's written that way intentionally. It may be one of the reasons they might break up in the future once the seriousness and implications of their relationship sets in. It could be mostly on Monica's side and Khan just plays along with it. She seems to have been sheltered a lot. I suppose we will see as the story develops.
Did Khan forget about Enhanced Reading? Since the moment I've read about the Harbor, I expected him to catch up to the rich kids in no time in regards to the raw knowledge (thanks to the technique). After binging till this point I have yet to see him learning at all but the amount of time he presumably needs to spend learning suggests he does it the regular way. After all, what's there to learn about regulations to spend months doing so, when you can commit every one of them to your memory in one evening. It's true his classmates have more experience in application of said knowledge but they need to learn the regulations by heart during countless hours while he only needs a glance. Gaining experience shouldn't require more time than cramming books full of legal jargon, paragraphs etc. And they can't really imitate him as they don't have infinite mana and aliens' stamina+recovery.
