Comments of chapter undefined of Different Royal Pony.

Hey, slow down the relationship pace. Fixations and crushes are normal occurrences, but having everyone fall for him in just 2 or 3 chapters is nonsense. You have the time; build the relationships gradually. If I can't sense the relationship evolving and you have to explicitly tell me about it, then it's a narrative failure. Even though the relationship in Twilight had little development, at least it was somewhat obvious from the beginning. Additionally, I recommend giving more time and point of view to the other characters. They feel somewhat flat. It's okay to focus on your OC, but the world shouldn't revolve solely around him. Try to avoid the NPC pitfall; each character should react uniquely. Other than that, the story is quite good. I love the little details such as the SCP diaries and the magic development.