Comments of chapter undefined of Inhuman Warlock
Inhuman Warlock
Demonic_angel
Chapter comments232
This is by far the most suspicious 1st chapter I’ve ever read. It makes no sense for the child of (who we are lead to believe to be) the two strongest humans would be treated so inhumanely. You’d think that put of respect for two heroes of humanity that their son would be treated like royalty... That is unless his parents learned something they weren’t supposed to and were killed for it ans this government needed a new weapon to replace them
You write well, but the premise seems impossible. Here's the thing about secrets. The more people involved in it, the higher chance it would be leaked. Nobody with a brain would treat the son of the greatest hero of all time like that, because it would be like signing your own political death warrant, they would be burned to the ground in the scenario that the public catches wind of it, which would be 100% in the real world.
This is the laziest setup I've seen in a while. Author: HMM I need my protagonist to hate everyone...I know, I will make the most cartoonish evil Dr Mengele knock off I can think of, and surround him with unfeeling sociopathic enablers and a few nay-sayers with no power to do anything. Then I will drop in a main character with the most generic handicap, the old hidden power that doesn't awaken on time shtick. Then I will have them all cackle to each other while the MC (a ten year old) watches.
I can see what you're going for with the characters having absolutely no regard for the boy's well-being. The sheer callousness is a stretch but I'll roll with it. I would say you over used the word "useless". It's repeated too often by both the characters and the narration. Some variation would have helped.
