Comments of chapter undefined of Vanishing Embers
Vanishing Embers
Lithkren
Chapter comments5
My main issue with this story is the way Aisha's character development is written. Every twenty or so chapters she has a moment where she reflects upon herself, or situations in general, but no permanent change is ever born from this reflection. While it could 100% be my interpretation of the story, you could still do a much better job showing her development. I would also not recommend the "slow burn" development approach, if that was what you were going for, as it does not fit the rapidly changing nature of the story. Earlier the very gradual change could have worked, but in the recent it kinda feels like the story is jumping from one place to another, so you should write her development in a way that keeps up with it, while still keeping it natural and unforced. (Once again, these things could be attributed to my severe lack of reading comprehension.)
Thanks for the follow up! This is genuinely very helpful for me, and I'm glad you took the time to write. I do rewrite and change chapters of the story often - I'll make them clear in the author notes in the future. But again, thank you for the honest feedback!
fuqdisappngl:Yes, her becoming a better person is apparent, and you developed that change well, but I am talking about the times in the story where she reflects upon an issue that should cause change beyond her becoming a "better" person. She never changes from said reflections, and in later chapters the thing that provoked the reflection is brought up again, yet the same thing is before happens, hence the "loop" I mentioned before. I would also recommend you try to develop Aisha beyond becoming a "better" person, because her issues and goals are not things that can be overcome or achieved by her simply becoming a better person. Also, I hope you enjoy your summer as well!