PurpleSpring
while I like the idea of him being bad at formations, they way it's portrayed is not the best. it would be far more impactful and smooth to go in depth in how he's making them as he makes it, and then having it collapse at the end, without telling the reader about how bad he is outright. not only does this immerse the reader more but it also cuts out the repetition that is present in the current draft.
At least some decent comedy like this formation thing, but it still can be refined to be better like other guy point out.----------------------- p/s: If you need more idea for more advanced formations thing, you should check that novel about certain 'steady' mc, since he give some really good concept idea there, for example 'chain formations' which basically normal formations that connect to each other, and that end up created a more indirect advanced formation there (then there are 3D space so you don't have to only draw formations on flat surface ?, not sure if I remember right)