Comments of chapter undefined of Harry Potter: New World

why MC can't keep secrets

First off, I like your story its just some sentence seam to be missing things in order to make the reading more smooth. Im I the only one that feels the pace to be choppy? I give your props for the intriguing idea of a discard brother from the Malfoy family. Im also interested in seeing were you will bring your story, the only negative thing I have against your story is the odd choppy feeling reading the sentence give me. Still beside that small irritation I encourage you in keeping on posting your story. Thanks for the chapter, keep it up.

it feels like you had this point of view from the beginning. you wanted to present it. like 11 yr old Hermione wanting to go to gryffindor because she read about it somewhere didn't sit well with you. so you wanted to change it. you could've done it in any number of ways,but going the path of over justification and discussing philosophy with immature kid is the wrong way to go.

Hmm I don’t understand what he is trying to do she is to young for this conversation it’s good for her to have convictions at a young age but trying to break that is not good for her 11 year old mind at the moment this convo is best left for when she is a little more mature and can understand that she has choices plus let’s be honest his defense of slitherin is shaky at best considering that what he is defending is the old slitherin house I highly doubt Merlin would Choose to be part of the nonsensical house it is now plus she being from a Muggle family would do her no good and him also it would be stupid to put yourself in a situation where socializing is a none starter as a kid it’s a nightmare Hermione in Ravenclaw is also a no go it’s not like the hat actually asked her but let’s just be honest with our selves Hermione is intelligent yes but she likes knowledge that helps her do things and go on adventures which she loves as a Gryffindor student, she does just like knowledge for the sake of knowledge which is the main Ravenclaw trait so no

Jeez, this was an exhausting chapter. So many weird concepts were brought up just to explain why Slytherin is a misunderstood house.

Alright. I gave it a shot, but I just couldn't continue. Badly used tropes everywhere, inconsistencies in how the MC acts and thinks, and I could go on but I've already said my piece. For fanfiction, I'll give it a 3/5 and say that if I wasn't positive I could find something better to read that I would be reading this.

Your writing style seems very pretentious and exaggerated.

The mc talk too much

are you editing the -dialouges- into " dialouges" . if so then good work .. i'll read when you finish editing .. anyway thanks for posting this here and editibg it.

Interesting so far, will keep reading.

I'm hoping mc would land in slytherin, and not to drag hermoine to ravenclaw, as to not disturb the golden trio balance and effect the storyline too much.

let me know when the grammar ever becomes better... i leave it here...

heybro someone copied your fiction

Ayyyy Charlie Parker. I like it 👌

Thanks for the chapter on a good story

I feel like there are a few missing quotation marks.

[img=recommend]

Hopefully hermione does not go to silly gryffindor Honestly hogwarts preparation sucks so much thst nobody even told him how to get to the platform. they *should* give students a portkey

Thanks for the chapter ! 😁👍

is this google translated??