Comments of chapter undefined of Immortal Sect Saga of Jiang Bai
Immortal Sect Saga of Jiang Bai
VishalGupta
Chapter comments2
I was ok with it in the beginning and to a level. But this is just meeting random guy bragging... you dont believe me let me show you all my secrets... It just seems childish. Nothing is happening.. try incorporating showing and not telling (Search showing vs telling story). Plus he is lying to everyone close to him and full on honest to everyone else, making the hero architype even more hypocritical. Also avoid the promotion of your other work on every chapter make it every 5 or 10 or something. The content is good but you need to slow it down little to explain everything better. I don't see an MC who lived for a long time, who is calm and collected but a kid seeking the approval of everyone. The whole none stop revealing of his skill and his life is too much of low point for me to continue, good luck.
Thanks for your advice. Will try to incorporate as many suggestions as I can, but it is not possible to revamp all chapters. Every reader has a different POV and genre they like. This was based on a previous work and the Main Character is supposed to do exact opposite of what he did in his second life. As far as showing vs telling, he does that pretty often. When he took people to Dragon Island of a different world or killed and resurrected someone or when he teleported people. He is not lying to everyone close to him. He did meet them in previous life and he is just speeding up the process. He is THE GOD of this Greater world, and he can do whatever he wants. The Main character did not live for a long time. He died in his early thirties on Earth, where he had no superpowers, since they did not exist. In his second life, he cultivated with the help of the system and had a fight with the Emperor of Immortals when he was just 29 years old. He wasn't a 1000 year old monk. Please remember that this is just the initial phase of the story. He needs to gather people as quickly as possible, since he has bigger fish to fry from other worlds. Again, thank you very much for your suggestions and happy reading!