mrCat
It's an okay chapter but a bit rushing, no world building nor scenery narrative, at least for me. But hey, this is the very first chapter after all, making the readers want to read more.
No need to, After all this first chapter is your old "style" I'm sure it already improved much more in the recent chaps that I'm gonna read tho it will take a while.
mrCat:no, you are right... i really rushed the first chapter... sorry, I was trying new genre, drama and realistic if possible, so... i dont know anything about it. sorry
The story is mostly a monologue. Someone was a king and lost his power in the modern contemporary life. It is a fiction story with an original plot. He decided to acquire new competencies and to lose weight. *The narrative style is correct but there is a monotony in the speech. There are lack of dialogues or some different actions. Keep on it!
good chapter. shows also how much potential it has although you should've focused more on the world-building to explain about the world more so that readers can understand this world more. Then you could've did a time-skip in the next chapter but no matter what the chapter is still good and I hope you continue this good story. by the way, did you make him go back in time or take him to another world completely cause you said something about ancient China and it made me confused
good chapter. it shows how much potential this story has has although you should've focused more on the world-building to explain about the world so that readers can also understand this world more. Then you could've done the time-skip in the next chapter but no matter what the chapter is still good and I hope you continue this good story. by the way, did you make him go back in time or take him to another world completely cause you said something about ancient China and it made me confused?