Comments of chapter undefined of lost & found
lost & found
CHZ
Chapter comments13
Realized that this is a prologue after I started reading, so Iām trying to adjust my view of things. There were a few smallish issues that were repeated constantly and made this harder to read than it should have been. Over all, it did a good job of setting a sad tone for the story to come. To be honest, this type of story isnāt my biggest area of expertise, so Iām focusing more on writing/ grammar issues. I will list my opinions on the story and the grammar separately. My goal is to do roughly 5 chapters with less paragraph comments. Story: I felt like this wasnāt very catching. It set the tone well, but it didnāt make me want to read more. There was no hook. In other words, you didnāt introduce any unanswered plot elements to hint at what this story is about. For example, maybe there is a boy she sees that notices her in the window. Now, as the reader, Iām wondering who the boy is and if she ever meets him. It at least gives me something to say, āI should read on to see what happens with this guy.ā As this is now, I only picked up the sadness and nothing that made me ask, āI wonder what happens next!ā There was a lot of over explaining. You are a good writer. Leave your descriptions alone. There is no need to say something twice if you say it well! Grammar: Repetitiveness killed your story. You would begin a lot of sentences with āIā or āI amā. It would be like three or four sentences in a row in some places. Thatās just boring for a reader. You need to mix up the sentence structure or phrasing. Combining multiple sentences into a list of things the MC sees or feels would help. The same can be said about the first word of paragraphs. See the next paragraph. A lot of paragraphs were broken up in weird places. You can list everything the MC notices about her mom in one paragraph. Heck, You could combine all of that into one flowing sentence using proper grammar to get it all out there quickly and concisely. It will help the repetitive wording issue as well. āI noticed my mom was X, Y, and Z. She did A, B, and C to me.ā Your dialogue punctuation needs work. Look up a guide if you need to. Proper punctuation when characters are speaking is important because it makes what and how characters say things clear. You can modify things to make subtle changes once you know how the structure works. Itās actually pretty cool. The run on sentences were bad. Commas canāt combine two dependent articles (complete sentences). You need to make some of the articles dependent (not a complete sentence) to use a comma, or you can use a conjunction like the word āandā after the comma. A semi colon also can just combine two independant articles. However, you need to learn what combining sentences does. Iāll try to give a rough description next. Pacing is huge in stories like this. Your pacing was off because of the run on sentences. Combing sentences with a semi colon increases pace. You should save it for when things are happening fast, like when her mom enters the room. Using a comma and conjunction is like a medium pace because of the extra word. It also makes the story longer. It can be choppy when overused. Just combing sentences with a period is slower pace, which is sometimes preferred. When you need to make a strong statement, please just end it with a period. Have you ever heard the expression āwe have to do _____ period.ā Thatās because the period in grammar is a strong stop. It makes a point. Boom! This is the end of the thought. Use that! It also keeps the pace slow. It stops the reader for a moment and makes them collect there thoughts. If you go too far without a period your story is hard to read. There is nothing wrong with a plain sentence, unless you only use basic sentences. You can use basic sentences for most of the text, and you can add complex sentences to mix things up. Hopefully this helps! Iāll try to do a few more chapters like this. I also realized late that this is technically a prologue... whoops. Doesnāt ch