Alexander_the_grey
These kind of scenes are well written, but i don't think they are needed? I mean, i'd rather have more plot in the chapter than sexy times. I enjoyed knowing what was happening in the bussiness and although the ***** part shows how much Tory and Aedan like each other, it feels like pure lust instead of love since it doesn't make the story grow, just adds more words to the chapters. It'd be better if the sexy parts are just shown when they have meaning or a reason to be shown inside the plot, when it has to do with the story; otherwise it feels like filler no matter how well written it is.
look I must applaud the author for this story but as we go further I find chapters more and more boring, I can take the relationships but the constant business talk just really bores me. chapters go by of just explaining that could be 3 paragraphs instead. I can't tell why it's expanded. it's like the author wants to flex their creative ability on inventions in this world which is impressive but I dunno it just really bogs down the story for me.
Kinda disappointed he’s limiting himself like this, no spatial magic which is a plenty in america, no alchemy which is something he would surely be amazing at, and various other subjects not taught at hogwarts, AND lets not forget his insane talent in illusion magic especially after him going on about how fluer wasting her potential by not using her innate talents ffs
This isn't really a criticism to you, just personal problems I have with this. But the romance has really made this hard to get through. One part because I think doing OC x OC just doesn't do it for me in fanfiction, but mostly because I can't even imagine Victoria. Her personality isn't defined or described enough for me to truly care about her, she doesn't play a big part in the story as a whole in the first place, and her dialogue is really bad. I mean, the dialogue in general is pretty poor, but her's in particular really makes me draw back. The constant praising of the MC just is... ugh. You do you though, man. I did get some enjoyment out of this and it's better than the barely english fanfics that plague this site. Peace.