Comments of chapter undefined of The Slime Farmer
The Slime Farmer
Jin_Daoran
Chapter comments125
Wow! I didn't expect a conversation like this to be entirety of first chapter. I really liked it. Tho, if I have to say, for many all this talk about farming might seem a little jarring. It's your choice how you write it of course and I liked it but maybe some might not.
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Jin_Daoran
Let me say this first, I'm not saying that your story is bad. This is just the first chapter. Be that as it may, I hate it when a story begins with an info dump. There's too many settings being introduced in one chapter, too many unfamiliar names that I don't remember any of them. At the end of the chapter, I feel like I missed many things, but I don't want to reread the chapter again. I'm reading a story, not a history lesson. My suggestion is that you should introduce the setting bit by bit. I think the only thing that I need to know in this first chapter is who the protagonist was, that he's the son of a noble and a slave, he was being discriminated, that he's in trouble and he's desperate to change his life. And even that I think is already too much. You can introduce the rest of the setting at a later chapter, like the church, the current, the cleric(?), the guardian(?), the gates, the name of the regions (except where he currently was in), the economy, etc.
It's dense but mostly well done. The one thing I would like resolved is the content of the packages/letter. In the opening of the chapter, the question of the content of the package is used to hook the reader (set up), but not followed with the payback, filling in the reader. I feel like I'm left hanging, still going "but what was in the package, what caused the big shock?" because the wording implies that it was the package that had such a big impact, not the letter. There is a passing reference to the letter being from a brother, and hint that the letter's contents lead the MC to conclude his father is disowning him. Quite far into the chapter, we learn one package contains gold from his sister, and we don't know what's in the other from his brother. But it doesn't seem to mesh with the big shock of the opening paragraph. I don't feel satisfied. If it's the letter that shocks him, then he should be reacting to the letter, not the package. If it's the package, we still don't know why he reacted. He's devastated to receive gold from his sister? Why?