Well you have a good story line, but what happens later remains to be seen. Your willingness to accept positive and negative review is also commendable.
That said, you need to improve slightly on your grammar.
Just started reading this and I might say that this story is keeping me hooked and I want to read more, it's too good. But I have so much work to do đŠ will catch up tomorrow â¤ď¸đ¨