it's not that your grammar sucks, I'm not good either. Maybe worst than the worst? hehehe in your case is some words that in my opinion needs to be added. but, your book is cool! i like it so much past to uncover hehehehe
I also feel the same and I really need to work hard on this :(
I'm still new in creative writing and my vocabulary is very limited, I can't vividly write in words what I wanted to say but I hope I can improve! Thank you for pointing it out :)