akikan40
Ah well since you asked about criticism... I feel that you explain things either too much, or too poorly? Its a bit hard for me to put into words. But during some paragraphs, the sentences feel a bit awkward, since youre kind of like striving to explain everything. “Tsukasa did so and so because he felt this etc. etc.” (an example) and it ends up feeling a bit redundant when you try to explain every emotion or action. Sometimes its best to leave it as is, because the meanings behind them are implied in the action itself. When someone kisses another person, you dont need to explain much right? Unless they did it with an ulterior motive, (in that case it now depends on whether the reader is omniscient so they know theres a motive, or the reader is limited, so we only know the kiss happened and not the thoughts) we understand theres amorous feelings behind it. This is just from what I have observed, you can feel free to disagree, or if you can verbalize my words better, please do so. Constructive criticism isn’t meant to admonish someone, it’s meant to be an observation from a different perspective; and we all have different views. Thanks for the chapter.
I felt like every of your protagonist is the same person but just different name. they act the same, think the same, and have a harem. I kind of feel like this lately, the more I read the more I find that the story is become blunt because the way protagonist act and think. My English and writing is not the best so I might convey thing different, Sorry about that.