Comments of chapter undefined of Rebirth 1973
Rebirth 1973
Xandarx
Chapter comments99
The English is not the worst but needs a lot of improvement. Right now the novel doesn’t flow along at all. It feels jagged with how key transition words are usually missing from the sentences. Also the author usually tells without showing. (What I mean by that is that a lot of actions are told to us when they don’t need to be explicitly pointed out) Example of how it should be : I walked over to where my mum lounged in her chair, relaxedly flipping through a novel, I had to cough lightly to grab her attention “*Kehum* .. mum can I talk with for a second” mum finished the last line she was on before looking up at me “sure thing honey, what’s up?” Example of what it is right now : I walk over to mum reading book with my book and ask her “mum can I talk something” she look up and says “sure honey what you want to talk to?” Do you see the problem?? One reads like something soft while the other is like a jagged razor blade. It breaks immersion. I’m not saying is English is easy but if you’re gonna write in it then you’re gonna need to do more than that.
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