Comments of chapter undefined of Offer to the CEO
Offer to the CEO
klmorgan
Chapter comments59
Dear author - please take my comments as feedback and apologies if they seem harsh, that is not the intent. 1. When I read about these two, their conversation, their character, everything is just too childish like teenager fighting and not knowing anything but swearing. I think you should spend some time developing the characters overall and understanding how an ***** should behave. The story become very childish and immature. Sometimes it make me think you should have chosen another age group for your character, it would have made more sense with the way the focus is put in your story. 2. You need to not give Too Much Information in your dialogues. We understand the whole plot and there is no sense of suspense. Try to be sharp and concise (I know it is not that ****** - I suffer the same issue when it comes to writing). 3. Again, you shouldn't repeat from last even, you spend too much time repeating, that could have been easily summarised in her being frustrated and just voicing that she want to know who dared to take away her privileges. 4. To improve the reading experience - spend on describing not explaining. Describe the places, the emotions, the reactions. But don't go on explaining the reason why, this can be written as a memory. Try to make us find link between things, rather than giving us the answer straight away. 5. There is a confusion with regards to hou yi's powers - is he powerful or is he not? This chapter is just making me feel he is just a lowly person compared to that woman. As he want to get him fired? You need to find a way for us to understand what exactly is the balance of power between Lu, Hou and the woman. Hope that helps, I am just trying to help you improve. On the bright side, despite all that your story has still a kind of "hooked" effect for the moment.
