19 Chapter 18: Death.exe
Error
Life.exe has stopped working
Date: July 28th, 1979
Location: Norman, OK
A frequent hospital patient named Carl Dunbar who pleasures himself by sticking common objects up his booty bungle returns when he claims to have gotten a shampoo bottle stuck in his rectum by slipping in the shower. While left alone after the bottle is removed, Carl finds a drawer containing glass rectal mercury thermometers and shoves nine of them taped together up his bean burrito. When startled by the doctor, Carl jumps back on the bed and breaks the thermometers while they are still inside of him, causing him to die of internal bleeding and mercury poisoning.
Way To Die #599: Mercury in Uranus
Date: October 9th, 2003
Location: Dallas, TX
Sylvia, a ex-stripper living in a suburban town has her purse stolen by an arrogant mugger named Mikey on a bicycle, who threatens her with a screwdriver. Meanwhile, a neighbor named Doug witnesses the robbery and chases after Mikey. Mikey speeds away from the aggravated Doug, but hits his bike on a rock and flies onto a lawn, where he pierces his own heart with the screwdriver he was holding. Sylvia then catches up to the thief, goes past Doug and takes her purse back and calmly walks away, as Mikey takes his last breath and dies from cardiopulmonary tamponade, putting an end to his mugging, once and for all.
Way To Die #297: Turn For The Purse
Date: March 9th, 2002
Location: Newton, MA
A drunk weightlifter named Pete makes a bet with his workout partner Hank that he can lift a 350 pound I-beam he found at a construction site. Pete tells Hank to watch how he could lift "The Crusher", but Hank left. However, he lifts it too high, loses his grip, and drops it. "The Crusher" crushed Pete's windpipe, killing him instantly.
Way To Die #102: Dead Weight
Date: September 20th, 2000
Location: Encino, CA
Teenager Stacy lived in foster homes for most of her life, until she is taken in by Roman and Minnie, an excessively devout and extremist Christian couple. Unfortunately, on her first day with them, they are immediately convinced that she is possessed by the Devil due to her tattoos, piercings, dark make-up, and interest in the Goth subculture (including having a Goth boyfriend). This motivates them to murder her.
Roman and Minnie plot to torture and murder Stacy under the guise of exorcism. They invite two friends from their church to participate in the ritual and tie her to the ground inside an enclosed tent. For the ritual, they burn large amounts of coal and incense in order to rid the alleged demons.
In a twist of faith, however, the exorcism goes horribly wrong, as the coal and incense create more smoke inside the tent. The combination of carbon monoxide from the coal and Benzopyrene from the incense causes everyone to suffocate and die. Stacy, however, survives, as she had a layer of fresh air above her due to being extremely low to the ground. She unties herself and joyfully heads off to the mall, relieved and happy over their deaths as Roman, Minnie and their two dead friends go to Hell for their sins.
Way To Die #310: Burn Thy Bitches
Date: October 14th, 1997
Location: Newark, DE
Mindy and Lex are a nymphomaniac couple who love to get it on. Lex (who hates that Mindy is a smoker) gives her an ultimatum after she lights a cigarette after sex: Either stop smoking or there will be no more sex. Not wanting to give up sex, she places a month's worth of nicotine patches all over her body, thinking they would help her beat her addiction overnight. The excess of nicotine from the patches overloads her system and she dies of cardiac arrest.
Way To Die #463: Patched Away
Date: March 14th, 2010
Locations: Portland, ME and Rano, NV
A pair of drunk guys in Portland, Maine decided to make something fun: bungee jump off a cherry-picker. One guy went first to try it out. He jumps off the picker and drops only to hit the ground hard, breaking his ribs, and he dies instantly. As it turns out, he was so drunk he measured the cord wrong.
Little do the guys know that at the same time, another pair of drunks in Reno, Nevada decided to create an extreme sport: Mattress Surfing (Riding on a mattress tied to a truck by a rope). One guy drives the truck while the other hangs onto the rope. But the rope holding the mattress became undone, and he fell off the truck at fast speed and hit the ground hard, breaking most of his bones in his body, and he dies within minutes from internal hemorrhaging.
Ways To Die #655 #656: Double Killed
Date: August 20th, 2008
Location: La Crosse, WI
A man named Bernard who suffered mental and sexual abuse from his sadistic uncle Tim in a cow costume develops a fetish for drinking milk straight from a cow's udders. On this particular occasion, he is kicked in the head when he accidentally bites the cow's teat, and dies when his brain bleeds out inside his skull.
Way To Die #204- Cream-ated
Date: April 19th, 2003
Location: Palm Springs, CA
A young woman named Carla is a gold digger who marries an old man for his money. She dies because she had her veil wrapped around her neck and unrolling something from her veil. It gets stuck in the car rim, hangs the young bride and later, decapitated her. The old man never heard her head hitting the asphalt.
Way To Die #313: Till Death Do Us Apart
