chapter 23

Mitsuri felt like she'd been stuck in limbo. She was supposed to be training under Tanjiro and Nezuko's teacher right now, but instead she'd been sidetracked into what essentially came down to guard detail… of a Waxing Moon and a potentially dangerous Hashira. (Not that she believed Tanjiro would ever turn against them, but she was also determined to do her duty.)

She still practiced and trained, but it wasn't the same. Of course it wasn't. That had been why she was supposed to train with the water cultivator! So she could try something new! And she'd really been looking forward to it too!

Shed decided that she wouldn't bring her disappointment up to Tanjiro or Nezuko, though. After all, she really was happy to help out friends and fellow demon slayers. It was just… they had captured a Waxing Moon. One that Tanjiro apparently had some strange, demonic power over? (He had not reacted well to that, and she couldn't blame him – she wouldn't want former enemy demons answering to her like she was Muzan or something either.)

Worst of all was the fact that while the Waxing Moon did eventually calm down (it had been very strange to hear a demon either panicking or crying… she wasn't sure which and didn't think she wanted to know – it made him too human) and fall asleep, so did Tanjiro. He slept for two entire days and nights before he woke again. The Waxing moon slept longer, but that left Mitsuri, Nezuko, Yushiro and Tamayo herself to guard Akaza. Mitsuri could definitely slow him down and at least had a chance at defeating him if he decided to escape once he woke up. The others, though…

But she had to train, and she had to sleep herself, so they set up a rotating schedule where she would sleep during the day and guard at night.

The first time Tanjiro woke up, he immediately asked after Nezuko, who had recovered from her near demon transformation and subsequent 'small fry' battles in Asakusa very well. He'd trained with her and then offered to take over guard duty for Mitsuri so she could train. She'd gratefully taken him up on the offer and that was what led her to the yard in front of Tamayo's large house.

She sensed someone approaching her nervously and recognized Nezuko. The girl stepped up to her, wringing her hands.

"Mitsuri-san—"

"Drop the 'san', please," she insisted as she put her head down on her knees and stretched her arms out as far as they could go.

"Er… Mitsuri. Do you think you could… train me in your style?"

Mitsuri paused and turned her head to look up at Nezuko. The girl shifted again. "It's just… I need to get stronger and while I'm still doing all of my training, well, I saw how you fought. You're… kind of amazing, Mitsuri-s… er… Mitsuri, and I think I could definitely learn something from your style."

With that, she bowed and the pink-haired Pillar sat up. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and squeed, her hands on her cheeks. "You are sooooo cute, Nezuko-chan! Of course I'll train you! And maybe you can train me in some of your water style!"

The girl blinked and then waved her hands and shook her head. "I've only just gotten to where I can use it consistently! T-tanjiro would be a better choice."

Mitsuri thought about that for a couple of seconds before nodding excitedly. "Okay, I'll ask him. But we can still spar together! Let's get started!

"The first thing you need to do for my Love style is really limber yourself up! Let me go get some rocks so we can prop your feet up on them and I'll push down on your back. Don't worry, we'll do it slowly so nothing gets too hurt! Start stretching! I'll be right back!"

With that, she ran off to find some good rocks and smiled when she found just the ones (even in the dark too!), hefting one of them over her shoulder and the other she carried by her hip. Times like these when she was glad for her super strength.

Nezuko saw her coming back and even in the moonlight, she paled a little. Mitsuri didn't see why. She wasn't going to make the girl lift them as weights or anything.

Although, now that she thought about that, it didn't seem to be a bad idea… well, she'd really consider that later. For now…

She dropped the stone on her shoulder with a loud 'plop' into the dirt, then set the other one down just in front of Nezuko's left foot. Then she situated the other in front of her right.

"Scoot forward, Nezuko-chan!"

Almost hesitantly, Nezuko did. "Now prop each foot up on a stone… yes, exactly like that! Now reach forward!" The girl did as she was told, reaching forward and wincing a little. Oh… she didn't know the meaning of the word 'stretch' right now.

"I'm going to push a little on your back, Nezuko," she said happily. "Stretch until you can't go any more and we'll hold it to the count of 30!" She waited until Nezuko gasped before she stopped, hearing the girl grunt.

"Breathe! Make sure you keep breathing as you stretch! If you can't do constant concentration breathing yet, then just make sure you breathe steadily."

Nezuko began to do so. They sat there for several seconds before Mitsuri finally let up. Then she smiled as the girl slumped.

"Constant… concentration?" the mizunoto asked as she slid her legs off the rocks.

"Oh! You wouldn't know about that, would you? Well, constantly using your concentration breathing is one way to really step up your abilities. It conditions your body to be in top shape at all times and you tend to be able to fight better!"

The girl blinked. "Oh," she said.

Mitsuri just smiled. "Start slowly for now. Use your concentration breathing in battle, and when you're traveling, and before bed. Do so until your lungs hurt. Then stop. You don't want to push your body too far too fast.

"Speaking of, let's get your back more limber. Have you ever tried to do a back bend?"

Nezuko gulped.

xXx

Snow fell around him gently as he strapped on the basket full of charcoal.

Children – his siblings – practically clambered around him, begging to come with. He could almost physically feel their love and adoration .

Why did it hurt?

He left them behind and trudged down the mountain. The sky overhead remained gray.

Snow had covered the village in a layer of white. People he knew (was supposed to know) came out of the houses and asked him for help or to buy his charcoal.

He wanted to sell as much as he could so his family could feast on New Year's.

He didn't realize he'd forgotten to get the candy for his adorable little siblings until the shops closed. Frustrated, he finished selling everything he could and went to start trudging back up the mountain in the approaching dark.

An old man – another face he should know – yelled at him to not do something so dangerous. He warned of man-eating demons. The old man insisted he come inside and stay there for the night – for his own safety.

He left the next morning, thankful, but eager to get home. It took him hours (far too long) to get up to his family's house… but… something was wrong. He could smell it (since when, he didn't have a sense of smell that good, even after—) and took off running.

No, no, no, nonononononoNONONONO!

The door sat open. His sister, covered in blood, protecting the baby, both laying in the snow. He half-ran/half-stumbled up to the door… only to meet several pairs of dead eyes. His little brothers who had been so alive yesterday. His little sister, usually so snarky and protective lay unmoving. His mother…

All of them practically dyed red.

He couldn't breathe.

How… how had this happened?

He fell to his knees.

Had it been a bear?

The tears on his cheeks made the cold bite even harsher than before.

And why hadn't he been here to help them?!

Why?!

Hakuji (No! Akaza) woke, gasping for breath.

Wait… when had he fallen asleep?

And why….? He hadn't needed to sleep in… centuries.

And what had that dream been about? Because he remembered his entire life, but had no actual memory of that scene – or anything related to it. The setting, the house, the people, the town in general, nothing. So why had he…

Unless…

Had that been from Kamado? But… why? Why would he do that to Akaza?

After a moment, he realized it couldn't be a memory from Kamado as reality and the dream didn't match up. The boy's sister was very much alive right now – he'd seen her guarding him a couple of times… before he'd fallen asleep, but the sun had been out and so he hadn't acted. In the dream, however, she'd either been dead, dying, or on her way to becoming a demon…

Although, it wouldn't be the first time she'd been able to throw something like a demonic transformation off (he was sure he'd seen her start to transform, but she'd been fine every time he'd glimpsed her recently).

And yet… something didn't feel right.

Akaza glanced around and noted the pink-haired Hashira's presence. Also, he'd apparently slept through the night as he could feel the sun beginning to creep up into the sky.

He cursed under his breath.

It seemed he would have to wait another day to escape.

His stomach let out a loud growl and he immediately turned away from where he could sense the Pillar, who would undoubtedly look in on him after that. He didn't want to talk for once. A shame, as he normally rather enjoyed talking to his foes…

Just… not like this.

Not when everything seemed so… surreal; so fragile. Not him, of course, but…

He shook his head. He had to stay awake until night fell, despite the fact that he had nothing good or particularly productive to think about. (Actually, he actively wanted to avoid thinking about most of the current problems with his life right now.) Still, that had never pushed him into resting before. Demons didn't have to sleep, so why should he?

And honestly… he'd never had… such a hard… time… staying… awake… before….

By the time the thought finished, he'd already drifted off.

xXx

Nezuko had the same sword smith that her brother had.

The same, utterly insane sword smith.

That wanted to see a red blade from her.

It was black. Just like Tanjiro's… except hers looked more like a blue so dark it looked black.

(She wasn't sure what that meant and decided to ask Urokudaki-sensei later).

Fortunately she was ready for the sword smith's utter freak out and was able to keep dodging him until he ran out of steam and sulked.

She asked how old he was.

He said he was 37.

She didn't believe him.

He stormed off. Like a child. Somehow, she wasn't surprised.

She looked between the blade and him and then sighed and sheathed it. She'd had to message Urokudaki-sensei, Ubuyashiki-sama and the sword smith village to get said sword smith to meet her here, a couple of blocks away from Tamayo-san's place in Asakusa. She'd written to Urokudaki-sensei and her family because they needed to know she was alive and well. Ubuyashiki-sama needed to know her circumstances, and had suggested that she message the sword smith village directly because he wanted to keep the general area of Tamayo-san's current home relatively secret – so much so even he didn't want to know exactly where in Asakusa they were. (He'd said something about how he didn't want to break her trust before she told him herself, so apparently they were in contact, which actually made Nezuko smile with the hope blooming in her chest.)

Ubuyashiki-sama had also informed her that the address she would give would also be where she'd meet the other demon slayers she'd be traveling and fighting with for the foreseeable future. So she'd found a good place far enough away that it would be difficult to follow her back, especially if she took a circuitous route.

Now, as she walked back with her new sword hidden under her haori, she wondered if owning swords that man made was worth his immature attitude. Still, she doubted she'd have much to do with him from now on, unless she lost her blade so it probably didn't matter.

With a shake of her head, she turned onto the last street and made her way back to Tamayo-san's house and her sleeping brother. He didn't seem to sleep as often or for as long as he had before, but he still slept for days at a time. Usually one or two, sometimes as many as three, although that had only happened once since they'd come to Tamayo-san's house two weeks ago. The Waxing Moon slept a lot too, although she didn't really know what to make of that. However, it beat him eating humans, so she said nothing.

Once she reached the correct wall, she looked over her shoulder and down each street to make sure no one could see her before she stepped inside and hurried towards the house. She didn't expect to see her brother standing hesitantly just inside the front door putting his hand out into the sunlight cautiously. Funny, hadn't they already tested his sun resistance? Well, either way, nothing seemed to happen and he nodded firmly, then looked up and dashed out… and straight into her, knocking them both to the ground and the wind out of her.

"N-nezuko!" he said worriedly. "Tamayo-san said you came out here to get your sword! Why did you come alone!"

The younger of the two huffed. "It's the middle of the day, Nii-chan. Besides, I can take care of myself! I've already taken out lots of demons when we were staying at the inn before. I'm fine."

He sat back, allowing her to get up, and looked away, troubled. "I can't help but worry. You're my little sister."

Nezuko huffed again, although this one was more fond. "Nii-chan, thank you for worrying about me. But I'll be fine."

He frowned, but eventually nodded. "Yeah. You're strong Nezuko. It's just… once Muzan sees you're not with me, he might target you to get to me. It's not like I worry for nothing."

Well... he had a point. But she couldn't just sit back here and wait… sit back and let him fight and destroy himself. Because he would.

"I can't stay here, Nii-chan," she said quietly, earnestly. "Even if he sends Kizuki after me, I'd rather be out protecting that which I hold most dear. Could you just sit by in my place?"

From the utter heartbreak on his face, he understood. She hated seeing him like that, but…

He shook his head, his own words just as quiet – pleading. "You don't understand how much stronger demons are than humans. The ones you've come across so far are…"

"I've seen the Waxing Moons fight," she protested, although part of her recognized that he was right. She hadn't even been able to see them move.

"And they almost turned you into a demon…" he whispered. "I never want to see that again, Nezuko."

"Now I'm resistant to that, Nii-chan," she replied.

Tanjiro shook his head. "He'll still come after you."

She sighed. "He'll do that anyway. Can you stop him if he comes directly?"

"I have a better chance," he muttered, a little petulant.

Nezuko huffed yet again. "And I'll never get to that point where I can defend myself if you don't let me go!"

He leaned his head forward and rested it on her shoulder like he had that day he woke up two years ago.

"I'm terribly selfish, aren't I?" he asked.

She felt her own face soften as she put her arms around him. "You want to protect me. I get that, Nii-chan. But this is my choice. Besides, Ubuyashiki-sama is sending other demon slayers with me."

"I know," he whispered.

Nezuko sighed, then she smiled. "Spar with me, Nii-chan!"

He sat up, blinking at her in surprise. "What?"

"Spar with me again!"

He smiled. "Always. But I don't know how it will help. You know most demons don't use swords, right?"

Her eyes narrowed. "With the Hinokami Kagura."

Tanjiro blinked. "What?"

"You've been sparring with me with the water style. That's great, but the Hinokami Kagura seems faster and harder and I need to learn how to see it! That's what will help me!"

Her brother opened his mouth, likely to object, but then closed it, looking contemplative. "Huh. You know, I don't think I've ever actually sparred with that style before."

Nezuko felt her grin grow wide on her face. "There's always a first time, Nii-chan! Come on!"

With that, she pulled him to his feet and towards the center of the yard.

He smiled. "After this, you'll let me take a closer look at your new sword, right?"

Nezuko blinked, then looked down at her blade. It wasn't anything particularly special at first glance, but it was hers. Truth be told, she already loved it – as much as one could love a sword in any case.

"Of course, Nii-chan! But only if you really push me!"

His eyebrows rose, as if he hadn't expected that, but then his smile turned soft again. "You're so strong, Nezuko. You always have been."

She snorted, pushing down a blush. "Not as strong as you, Nii-chan."

He just cocked his head to one side, earrings clattering against his shoulders and neck. "Agree to disagree."

She frowned. What did he mean by that? He'd always been the strong one. So why did he think she was? It… made no sense.

But before she could ask any questions, he walked past her. "Come on. Let's go train."

Pushing his confusing words to the side, she smiled and nodded, right on his heels. "Yeah."

xXx

Akaza awoke to darkness again. He could see himself – his hands and feet and what not (and they still looked more human than he would like), but he couldn't see anything else – nothing more than an empty blackness all around him.

He remembered waking up similarly before, and Kamado had taken something off of him? He felt around his body, then reached up to his eyes and found a piece of paper there. Instantly, he pulled it off. The paper tore and he could see the cell again.

"Hey! Those aren't exactly easy to make!" a voice from down the hall – the demon boy from before, if Akaza remembered correctly – spoke angrily. Carefully, the Waxing Moon threw his senses out and found only he and the boy were on the level. He only had this one guard at the moment.

And said guard, no matter how good of a fight they might put up, was no match for him. He could tell that from the boy's fighting spirit. It was fierce, but not potent.

Down the hall, the boy was muttering something about how this is what happens when crazy demon slayers decide not to do their job and actually slay Muzan's demons…

For the moment, Akaza ignored him, taking more careful stock of the situation. It was almost evening, he could sense. Maybe that was why he didn't feel that frustrating dichotomy his human memories had created? Or, well, he still felt it, just not as badly as before. He could still recall his memories as a human and as a demon… he just felt more… whole? Integrated somehow?

Actually, thinking about it made the emotions stir again, and he very much did not want to deal with that right now.

Because right now, he had his chance to escape, he realized. Kamado wasn't here to use… whatever the heck he had already used on Akaza. The Waxing Three, if he acted quickly enough and timed it right could bring the house down, dig himself out and book it once the sun set…

To where?

The thought caught him short. (It also made him angry, but that wasn't anything new, so he pushed it aside as best he could and tried to answer the question.)

Where would he go? Where could he even go?

Even as Hakuji (especially as Hakuji) Akaza hadn't been much of a planner. He could and usually had some basic plan in mind when he approached things, but he'd tended to work best making things up on the fly. This, however… this would need some careful consideration. He hated to admit it, but he was at a crossroads of sorts. He knew his next decisions would be important. (In all honesty, he didn't want to dwell on how important.)

So he sat and thought through his options. He could run back to Muzan-sama… but as much as it was his knee-jerk reaction and he wanted things to go back to the way they were, he knew they wouldn't. His returned memories alone guaranteed that. He'd known since his last conversation with Kamado. He also had to face the fact that Muzan-sama couldn't sense him anymore. If he could, he'd have seen Kamado and Tamayo and come for them. At the very least he would have set up a trap. The fact that it was both of them would warrant Kokushibo's involvement, and likely all of the remaining Kizuki at this point.

And yet, here they were, at least two days into his 'imprisonment' and here he remained.

Hence Akaza drawing the only conclusion he could… Tamayo was right: he wasn't Muzan's demon anymore. He was Kamado's.

He hadn't wanted to admit it at the time she'd said that to him (still didn't, honestly), but he'd known then just as he knew now that if he went back to Muzan, he would die. The Demon King would kill him. He could try and argue that he had not 'left' by choice, but when had arguing ever worked against the progenitor of demons? Unless he brought something to the table that made him indispensable, well, Muzan didn't take risks. Akaza had known it and Kamado had made him acknowledge it (even if only to himself): the Waxing Three had become a risk to Muzan.

It really hit him like one of Douma's fans.

He couldn't go back to Muzan if he wanted to live.

And that suddenly Akaza felt so… lost. It made him feel weak. But that was ridiculous, he wasn't any less strong than he had been hours ago or even minutes ago… was he? After all, he had tried to escape and had failed spectacularly…

Unsurprisingly, that thought brought his anger back to a full boil and he shook his head violently, forcing himself to focus. He was running out of his time window and he needed to figure this out.

So where could he go? Off on his own? He could run around and still look for fights with demon slayers and demons alike. It really wouldn't be that different… but how long would it be before a demon saw him and Muzan sent the other Kizuki after him. Not that he wouldn't enjoy a good fight, but that would be putting his life on the line. He… hadn't actually done that for a long time now. Demons couldn't kill other demons (except Muzan, of course), and even fighting other Waxing Moons for status hadn't been a real risk. And to be honest, he hadn't actually considered any of the Hashira he'd come up against recently enough of a fight to be considered a risk either. His fights had been the worse for it, he realized now. No wonder he craved something more, where everyone put everything on the line…

But those fights with the demons Muzan would send after him would be different. He would fight them, and if he lost, he'd be dragged back to Muzan to be killed – executed. For something he couldn't control. And that thought did not sit well with him, especially because there was so little he could do about it.

He could rush around and eat as many people as possible to try and gain enough strength… But could he do so fast enough? He still didn't want to eat weak people, but would he have a choice? Would it even matter?

(He purposefully did not think of what Koyuki would think of him eating people – of the distrust and horror on her face. He did not want to imagine her turning her back to him and running away out of fear and hate. Or of his father's death at him just stealing, not outright killing. Or Master Keizo's disappointment and despair – Master Keizo who had never given up on him, who had believed in him even when he hadn't deserved it. But everyone had limits to their belief, and Master Keizo would be no different were he still alive today.)

So he couldn't run off to Muzan, he could run off on his own, but it would likely only be a matter of time before the Kizuki or Muzan himself hunted Akaza down – and that was if Kamado didn't know exactly where he was and come for him, he realized. Could Kamado do that? Well, he couldn't read Akaza's thoughts, so… maybe he didn't have that skill of Muzan's either?

It didn't matter. Akaza would escape and run off on his own. He could dodge Muzan and the other Waxing Moons for as long as he needed. The Hashira hadn't been a problem before, so why would that be different now? And if Kamado came after him… well, he'd deal. Maybe they could actually fight this time. That might be fun, no matter how angry the kid made him.

He got up from the wooden slab and stretched, just to limber himself up a bit. Then he took his stance and focused his anger. He would escape and go off on his own.

He could go off and find more battles.

He could run wherever he needed to to get stronger…

I understand that. But why?

Kamado's words stopped him short again.

Why did he want to get stronger?

(He shoved the voice that said, 'To defend Koyuki and uphold his Master's honor to the back of his head – hard.)

To defeat Douma – the upstart demon who had rushed in and taken Akaza's spot. And then, he could defeat Kokushibo. And then Muzan himself…

And then what? If he defeated Muzan… if he became the strongest…

What would that even mean?

He shook his head harshly. That hadn't ever been a problem before, so why was it now?

(Because now you remember.)

Shut up, Hakuji!

(It wasn't Hakuji.)

(It couldn't be Hakuji.)

(Why did it hurt to acknowledge that Hakuji had died? He didn't want to be Hakuji anymore… did he?)

Angrily, he forced himself to focus again, taking a deep breath, ready to break out.

(You could just stay.)

Akaza blinked.

(You don't have anywhere to go. You also don't have a reason to get stronger anymore, and you know it. Kamado knows it. Muzan probably knows it by now – may have even set it up like that in case you remembered. So why do you have to leave? Why go through this risk? You may not even escape if both Pillars confront you – which is more than likely – especially on an empty stomach. You have no reason to put yourself through such a risky plan. You've been all over Japan looking for the strongest people to fight! Now you've found people like that who won't outright kill you just for existing, so why are you running away from them now! At least be man enough to fight them head on instead of trying to run away! You're acting out of fear of them! Coward!)

It wasn't another, separate part of him that thought that either… the truth of the words resonated with his whole being.

No! He still yelled at himself. I am not a coward!

Really? His mind answered back. Then answer Kamado's question: What do you want?

He sat there in silence for several seconds before he felt his arms drop to his side and his legs straightening. Even as he metaphorically grasped at his fading anger, the familiar emotion – that which had sustained him for so long, that which he had long since gotten used to honing into a knife's blade, (that which Hakuji had used to reduce an entire kendo dojo to nothing with only his fists) – melted away.

It was strange. He'd always been angry at something or someone – always had a direction for that anger. But now… He thought he was angry at the kid, but… why? It wasn't like he'd done anything on purpose. It still felt wrong to be angry at Muzan. He was angry at those people who had stolen his life out of jealousy and greed so long ago… but they were all dead. He'd already taken out his revenge, hadn't he.

(And then some.)

Akaza knew who was at fault here. He knew he'd caught Muzan's attention because of his own horrible actions.

Slowly, he felt himself sit back down on the wooden slab.

Kamado's words drifted through his head once more. What do you want?

And Akaza, for the first time since he'd woken, spoke aloud to the blank wall of the cell. "You're right… I… don't know."