Childhood Period: I am here part 2

POV Kizuna

- "His body sure is small."

The boy in front of me was small, his gray eyes and calm face staring at the ceiling as the hot water ran down to his shoulders.

- "I guess it's been a while since we've been here at the same time," he hears.

- What's wrong?

My brother looked straight ahead of me as he pointed to my legs.

-You shouldn't be that far away from me, we're family.

-But isn't it hot?

-Come on, that's an order.

Sighing, the boy came over to sit on me. Hugging him, I leaned my body against him, placing my hands around his waist.

- "I still..."

-I miss our father, Kizuna. He could be so laid back about things, but when he needed to talk about something privately, he would do it here.

My brother squeezed my hand underwater.

-Tell me, is something wrong?

- "He..." nothing.

Feeling a lot of tension in my face, I tried to smile.

-"It's impossible, huh?"

-What's the point of keeping up appearances?

-Appearances?

-Kizuna, I know you very well. One thing our father taught me is to never keep up appearances between us.

When I felt his two hands holding me, his face turned in my direction, even having to look up to see my face.

-You can be direct, don't look for other words to express yourself. You don't need to think about it, it doesn't matter if in the end you end up being wrong and insulting me, I will be here.

-But I am the Aneue here (姉上 Big sister).

-And I am a man and I must protect you from what you cannot defend yourself from.

-I have the responsibility to look after the welfare of Masaki and you, because I am the eldest.

-But you are a woman and also our father's daughter. So you're allowed to be vulnerable, but....

Hugging my younger brother, I put the back of his cheek against my chest as I listened to him.

-You are very strong, Kai. I wish I could be a man and take your place. You shouldn't have to go through this.

-I'm not strong, Kizuna. I'm not looking to replace daddy either. Kizuna, I plan to protect them, just as I want them to help me...

-¿?

Leaning my face on her head, I felt a lump form in my throat.

- "I wonder who is the elder here?" Explain...

-I must move forward, Kizuna. My goal is to be strong, but I can't be strong if I don't understand what's wrong with my family.

-I can't express myself...

-But you can talk to me and explain. That day we were only sad about dad's death, even though we can't change it, but I want to know why you are still sad, Kizuna.

Choking on my own breath, I resisted the urge to cry, taking deep breaths and trying not to scream.

-You are the strongest in this family, Kai.

-I still have a long way to go for that title.

-On that... we disagree....

Squeezing my pupils, tears began to run down my cheek.

-I liked going to class and knowing I had potential.

-Yes.

-I liked knowing that our daddy was proud of us.

-And he is, as long as we enjoyed what we were doing, he was very happy with that.

-But... it's not fun now....

Sinking my face into my brother's little body, the tears were coming out non-stop.

-I miss talking to him, being able to come home to laugh, get mad and talk about our day. I want to have him to tell him about my classes and show him that I can be better every day too. I want him to praise me for my hard work and for us to end up getting scolded by mom if we got into mischief. I want to go on a boat trip like he wanted to do with me. I want to... see my... Dad again.

-Of course, he never forgot any of us.

Hugging my brother's neck, I start to raise my voice.

-I hate myself... I couldn't say goodbye to him... I can't show how sad I am... school is no fun anymore.... I... I... I can't do my best anymore!

-I understand.

My hands started to loosen up, I started to breathe as deeply as I could without changing my facial expression much.

-*hig* I'm just a crybaby, I think only about this, no matter the day no matter the night, I can't let daddy rest.

-But if you don't say what you feel now, in the end you'll only be carrying that, sis. There's nothing wrong with thinking about him, but....

Seeing her face, I could see her trembling, her lips trembling, but she wouldn't let go of her tears.

-Doing this only proves to me that you are the stronger of the two of us.

-¿?

As I said those words, my eyes opened as wide as I could open them.

-I still haven't gotten back to my routine. There are many times they say I seem distracted and don't finish things, but you, once you start, you finish.

-Huh, yes.

-You know what it meant that he was to you, and even without him, you still do things the way you used to, so move forward more. You try so hard to contain everything so we can't worry. If that doesn't mean being the stronger between the two of us, I don't know what does.

-Huh, Kai-chan. Huh.

-When you don't know what to do, I'll be there. When I need you, I know I can ask you for help, because my sister is the strongest of all. Because in the end, if we're not there, who else will be able to support us?

Turning around completely, was my brother on his knees. His hands were outstretched as he pressed his lips together and the tears fell harder. In my eyes a weird noise came out of my mouth.

- "I must look the ugliest right now." Huh!

-It's not good to bear all that alone. So I'll take what you can't do too, because like I told you, I'll be here. No matter the weather, even if hell freezes over, I'll bring blankets to protect us while you hold us.

-Huh! Kai-chan... Kai-chan... Huh!

Hugging her small body my hands completely encircle her ribs while my head was on her chest.

-¡I wanted to tell him when! ¡love him.....! ¡could never do anything.....! ¡Dad is dead.....! ¡I'm the oldest and I can't do anything for anyone....! ¡Mom is alone...!¡ don't want you to leave me...!

-You've tried so hard sis there's nothing wrong with trying to do things and there's nothing wrong with knowing that you can't do other things for me that's fine thank you sis.

-Uhhhh.....Uehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Feeling a hand on my head I cried into my brother's chest crushing him against me with all my strength feeling his body shaking I couldn't let go.

-You did a good job nee-san...I will never leave you.....

Hearing his low voice my screams inside the bathtub echoed louder as he caressed my head and hugged me.