30 Weeping for the Fish

The Third Lord stays where he is, savouring the poignant smile of the man before him. Although he could see that the smile Qiuchen forced is not sincere, or that he has been using it in a perfunctory manner since he has entered the Rong Mansion, the delight of possessing him still overshadows the slight discontentment. Perhaps it is the late autumn chill that makes him think that Qiuchen looks thinner than ever, wearing only a thin moon white silk robe, looking like a fairy by the autumn waters in the opera "Goddess of the Luo"[1], stepping on the waves and about to fly away.

Perhaps even a fairy is not as perfect as he is. That beauty that transcends the earthly world, that aloofness that is untainted by the mundanity, how is it not like a celestial fairy? What's more, no matter how beautiful a fairy is, she is still only a woman, while he, after all, is a man.

Without costume or make-up, his handsome face looks more translucent and his skin naturally smooth. A full forehead and straight nose, without a hint of angularity, outlines a gentle profile. A slightly furrowed brow and upturned thin lips, without eye shadow or blush, removes the feminine appearance of the stage and what remains is a clean and pretty boy.

Most beautiful of all are his eyes, which used to take countless different forms on stage - fluttering, soulful, full of emotion, full of desire, or if he raises an eyebrow and throws a teasing glance, the audience, no matter how different, is bound to fall for one of his looks. How else could he have been adored by so many people? After only six months on stage, he has been hailed as the number one Dan[2] actor in the Imperial Capital by opera lovers like never before. As everyone knows, in the capital, there is absolutely no shortage of first-class troupes or beautiful young Dan actors, all of whom have good looks and skills. The stage with its gongs and drums is , to put it bluntly, just a glamorous battlefield. The only difference is that the competition on this battlefield is all about appearance and voice.

The Third Lord has seen, supported and been intimate to all the famous Dan actors either with stunning looks or stunning voices. However, no one has ever been able to combine a beautiful appearance and a beautiful voice as well as Qiuchen. It was no surprise that he was named as the first in the "Flowers of the Opera Stage" by the Empress Dowager Cixi herself.

Thinking of this, he couldn't wait to run up behind him and pull that delicate body into his arms.

"Come inside, it's not like you have to practice singing now; stay in bed with me a little longer. Sit by the water just in your thin silk robe...if you catch a cold, that will make my heart ache."

Rong Qiuchen instinctively struggles, but feels unable to free himself from the confining embrace. Unable to avoid it, he could only try to tilt his head to the side and stare at the fish in the pond, holding back the bitterness in his eyes.

"My lord, why do you keep so many fish in such a small pond? They are so crowded against each other that it is difficult for them to even turn around. Aren't fish supposed to be free?"

Yuan Ge seems to feel the pain in Qiuchen's words. The once dazzling flower of the stage is imprisoned in the Rong Mansion, in the secluded Yi Qiu Hall, as a boy-attendant serving pens and ink, or to put it more bluntly, as an "exclusive catamite". Cut off from the possibility of creating art and beauty, he is like those fish imprisoned in the Dragon Pond, surviving only by begging for food.

However, no matter what he feels in his heart, Yuan Ge could only hear the voice that does not belong to him speak intimate words to Rong Qiuchen, caressing his cheek and neck, nibbling on his ear and whispering, "Little beauty, you are freezing cold, why do you still worry about the fish? Let's go back to bed and warm you up."

Pushing the hand away, Qiuchen stares at him insistently, as if he has to have an answer.

"Do you know how many koi I have put in this Dragon Pond? Seven thousand! All you have to do is to scatter a bit of fish food and they will come and grab it, waiting and begging with their mouths open. It's such a great feeling. And if you want to fish, you don't even need to bait a fishing rod. It's a sight to behold in the entire capital. If it amuses my darling Rong Qing, I'll have someone put another seven thousand fish down, so you'll be able to catch them with your bare hands, okay? But don't always feed them here, they won't behave so eagerly if they are well fed."

Qiuchen laughs self-deprecatingly. What the Third Lord likes the most is to have all beautiful things appear sordid in front of him. The famous actors on the stage are too far away, and the Rong Qiuchen he likes has to be a "slut" with no pretensions and be stripped bare beside him for his sole enjoyment. He wants to see him performing in bed, to leave his soul behind, to submit obsequiously to his will, to gratify his every whim.

Perhaps the too-fake laughter reveals what is on his mind. At that moment he hears the voice of the Third Lord say, "Lord Longyang weeps for fish[3] to cement the favour of the King of Wei, but my Rong Qing is for what, to grieve at the koi so early in the morning?" Third Lord is so impressed with his own clever analogy that he could not help but burst out into a string of laughter.

The laughter makes Qiuchen feel even sadder. Lord Longyang, the favourite male lover of the King of Wei during the Warring States period, had wept for fish and pitied himself, causing the king to vow never to give favour to other beauties. He was a smart man who knew how to consolidate his position. But what he, Rong Qiuchen, wants is not favour or promotion. However, as a lowly actor, there are things he has no right to ask for but accept, otherwise he would be ruined and crushed like an egg against a stone.

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[1] The Goddess of the Luo is a figure in an ancient Chinese poem created by Cao Zhi, a writer living in the state of Wei during the Three Kingdoms period (c. 220-280 CE). In his tale, Cao Zhi is returning from the capital to his own land when he stops at the Luo River for a rest, where he sees a vision of the goddess so powerful that he instantly falls in love with her. Cao sees a nymph of peerless beauty "as elegant as a startled swan and supple as a swimming dragon". Though he's swept away by her ethereal beauty, it's a love that isn't meant to be.

[2] Dan is the general name for female roles in Chinese opera, often referring to leading roles. Traditionally, all dan roles were played by men, but this practice is no longer common in any Chinese opera genre today.

[3] The story of Lord Longyang took place sometime between 276 and 243 BCE, and is the second account of a male same-sex relationship in Chinese historical records. Lord Longyang and the King of Wei are in a fishing boat together when Longyang begins to cry. After the king pressures him to say why he is crying, Longyang reveals that he is afraid that the king will be tempted by other, more beautiful men, and lose interest in him. The king then forbids anyone to mention other beauties in his presence under penalty of death. As a result of his status as a favourite of the king, Lord Longyang was given a small fief and a feudal title.