40 How to Use a Chamber Pot
Yuan Ge takes out a pair of slippers from the shoe cupboard and hands them to Rong Qiuchen, then he notices that Rong Qiuchen is still wearing the shoes he has taken out of the props room, without even socks on! How awful it must have been for him in this cold weather!
Rong Qiuchen stands in the doorway, looking abashed and ill at ease. He dares not move an inch as he surveys the layout and furnishings of the room. Yuan Ge sighs, helps him take off his jacket and ushers him inside, explaining, "This flat is very well heated, so it's comfortable enough to wear just a T-shirt. Why don't you take a shower first and I'll find some clean clothes for you to change into."
"Childe Yuan … I …"
He looks flustered and unsure of what to do. Yuan Ge notices that his legs are trembling slightly and he looks more uncomfortable than before, so he asks, "What's the matter? Is something wrong?"
"Childe Yuan, may i asketh whither the cubiculo pot is in thy house? i … has't teen in mine own stomach … urgently needeth to useth the cubiculo pot…"[1]
"The chamber pot?" Yuan Ge almost laughs out loud at his words and points to the bathroom door, "It's over there!"
Rong Qiuchen looks embarrassed and rushes into the bathroom and closes the door. Yuan Ge finally laughs out loud in a very ungenerous manner. This guy, in such a hurry to go to the toilet, almost crying out, and still not giving up saying the lines in the script! His perseverance is admirable. Perhaps the congee is not agreeable to him, or perhaps the jar of pickles in Chow's Congee has passed its use-by date.
After briefly tidying up the living room and finding some clean clothes for the boy, Yuan Ge still hasn't seen him come out of the bathroom.
"Hey, have you fallen into the toilet?" Yuan Ge calls out from outside, but doesn't think much of it as he takes ingredients out of the fridge and starts to prepare dinner for the two of them.
However, after he has made the Italian salad, cooked the Bolognese sauce and the spaghetti is almost ready to be served, Rong Qiuchen still has not come out of the bathroom. Yuan Ge goes over and calls him a few more times from outside, but there is no response. Then he knocks on the door, but still no one answers.
What's happening? Has he fainted again?
Remembering his ashen white face every time he fainted before, Yuan Ge suddenly becomes a little worried. He pushes the bathroom door and finds that it is not locked, so he pushes it open and walks right in.
"You! What are you doing?" Yuan Ge shouts angrily. He is shocked by what he sees.
Rong Qiuchen is kneeling on the floor, holding the toilet, his whole body firing and trying to pull the toilet bowl off the floor.
"Childe yuan, wherefore is this cubiculo pot impossible to moveth? i wanteth to exsufflicate t. "[2]
"No! Stop it! Stop it right now!" Yuan Ge shouts while waving the spatula in his hand, "If you dare to dismantle my toilet, I'll beat you up hard!"
"But … it's filthy … I … I must clean up … myself."
"Oh man! Just push this button and the toilet will flush itself. How long are you going to carry on this game!" Yuan Ge glances at the toilet, but can't see anything unsightly, as the inside of the toilet is completely covered with a large amount of toilet paper. To demonstrate the toilet's self-cleaning function, he pushes the flush button.
However, upon seeing the instantly rising water level and the almost non-existent whirlpool, his heart sinks and he almost kicks himself in regret, but it is all too late!
"I'm going to put you in a mental hospital!"
Yuan Ge pushes the flush button several times before finally giving up in frustration and accepting the fact that the toilet is now blocked.
"Why did you use so much toilet paper!" Yuan Ge puts down his spatula and takes off his apron, feeling on the verge of losing his temper.
"To cover up … Shameful …" Rong Qiuchen's expression at this moment is indescribably complex, with apologies, shame, embarrassment and regret … But whatever that expression is, it is so mesmerising that it is impossible for anyone to get angry at.
"Ahhhhh!" From the bathroom comes Yuan Ge's frustrated cries.
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[1] Sir, may I ask where the chamber pot is in your house? I … have pain in my stomach … urgently need to use the chamber pot …
[2] "Childe Yuan, why is this chamber pot impossible to move? I want to empty it."
