71

"But I'm your family. You have a life here, a job… friends. What about us, what about what we need?" Yoonha starts to protest, his brows lowering and that subtle hurt coming back. Pouting and reverting to kid. The spoiled little rich master of the family, Park was always given everything he wanted by all of us. He can't comprehend that his feelings won't and don't factor into my choices.

"And you have coped just fine for two years without me, Yoonie. You don't need me here anymore."

"Yes, I do. Who said I coped? Were you here? Did you see? …You have no idea what it's been like with you dead. Don't tell me we coped without you because it's not even fucking true. Why are you being this way?" Yoonah shoots to his feet, spilling his coffee as he childishly slams it on the table and paces away from me as his blood boils up. He was always a fiery one who exploded first before listening to reason. I guess he's not different from Jyeon, even if their outward way of venting looks polar opposite. Yoonah is an emotional yeller, Jyeon is a cold insulter. Both deliver and then calm down and regret it. I guess we all have toxic behaviors born of being pampered kids who were taught to be selfish by our upbringing.

"Is everything okay?" Greta appears at the door, eyeing him up with her fierce mama glare, and looks me over where I am still calmly seated. She's rigid and tense, ready for a brawl should she deem it necessary. I nod at her and gesture back to the kitchen to give us space.

"We're fine. He's upset, understandably."

Greta retreats after casting him a doubtful scowl aimed at his back and leaves the kitchen door ajar when she disappears. No doubt to eavesdrop and make sure I'm okay. She doesn't know men like Yoonah, and she probably is already cursing him out for being a massive man-child. He was always highly strung and wore blinkers to everything except himself.

"Yoonie, come and sit down. Calm down. Stop being dramatic." I coax him, and after a few minutes of tense sulking by the window, he sags and wanders back, dragging his feet and slumping back into his chair. I have the urge to laugh at his behavior, seeing him as an eight-year-old, and it does stoke up the warm memories of how he was growing up. Poking at my maternal love for him once more, even if he was exhausting for most of my life.

"What happened that night? Why did you do it? Were you really trying to kill yourself?" Yoonah locks his focus back on me with big eyes and a slight woeful expression. Looking innocent and sweet again so quickly, I cave and relax into my seat. He may have aged and changed in looks, but he's never really lost who he is. He was always immature for his age, and I wonder how much he does as VP. If Jyeon humors him and does the role of two while acting like he has more importance than he does. That's very Jyeon when it comes to his baby brother. Yoonah never really saw how protective he was or what things he did to keep him in his cushy life, untouched by our stresses.

"It was an accident. I was driving too fast, and the car had some kind of failure. I never meant for it to happen. It was stupid bad luck." I purposely gloss over the details because I don't want to put that into his head. The suspicion and doubt, especially if he has a strained relationship with Jyeon now. Not until I know for sure what happened that night.

Yoonah visibly pales. His skin whitening and his eyes glaze over. Shocked by what I'm saying and then looks at his feet and starts fidgeting with his fingers.

"They said, you deliberately drove off the cliff… I knew you would never do that. I knew suicide was not the truth. I ..... I'm sorry." Yoonha breaks, a silent tear rolling down his cheek, and I'm confused by this show of sadness. The sudden heaviness of his posture and the way he slumps.

"What for?"

"For ..." He hesitates, sniffing with an onslaught of new tears, and then wipes his face with the back of his hand. "For not knowing deep down you were still alive. For leaving you there. For what happened to you." He can't seem to look at me, and I know Yoonah has always been a kid who carries the weight of guilt for everything in life. Whether it has anything to do with him or not. I impulsively move to the couch beside him and slide an arm around his shoulder, stroking his right bicep gently and soothing him. Reverting to the role of mother, even though I told myself I wouldn't do this again and would keep him at arm's length.

"It's the past. I'm here now. You'll know where I am even after I go home. We can stay in touch, call, visit. I won't just disappear again. I have no reason to. I'll still exist, but I won't live so close or come back to OLO."

"Sohla…. there's….." he turns to me, with a trembling voice and wary look, swallowing hard, but we're cut off by the doorbell ringing loudly.

"I'll get it," Greta yells from the other room and comes clambering through like a bat out of hell. Noisily and clumsily as she ungracefully attempts to answer it. Pulling both our gazes after her seems to kill his line of conversation.

"There's what?" I turn back to him, sensing Yoonah has something weighing on his chest, and he shakes his head and pats me on the arm. He's frowning, lost in his thoughts, and has a glazed and distant expression.

"It's nothing. Forget it. How about you let me take you out for ice cream like you used to do for me. We can head somewhere where the press won't be. Stop talking about painful things and go hang out."

He shifts in his seat, so my arm falls away, and I get the feeling he is trying to put up a wall between us. Maybe because deep down he feels betrayed that when I remembered who I was, it was Jyeon who brought me home. This is how Yoonha punishes people. He pushes them away emotionally, acts cold, sulks, and draws a line in the sand until he decides he's over it. Something he learned from me.

I know Yoonha always saw himself as my hero and protector, but it's always been Jyeon who was there to step in front of me when I needed it. I guess he's mad at me that it took me days of being back before he even knew about my existence. That I haven't reached out for him yet always seem to be around Jyeon. I know him better than he realizes.

"I think that sounds good, although Greta has to come because I keep leaving her behind, and if I keep it up, she might abandon me and go back home in a mood." I giggle as she reappears in the doorway carrying an online shopping order she must have made at some point. Her bright and happy presence lightening the severe tension in the room.

"Did I hear ice cream?" Her eyes twinkle with mischief, and I giggle at the swift change in her from guardian to a toddler when dessert is involved.