Tears of survival

You might see me smiling but nobody knows I'm lost, exhausted, died thousand possible ways. Infact If some one could raw through my boat you would sink deep to the darkkness of my sorrow and tears of my blood. Because no one knows how many time i have died, nobody dare to ask me how are you or how's your life doing?

Walking around street with an empty pocket, smoking a weed every day to take myself far away from hurting , taking pills to heal my pain, ego as my backup ,when I realise I must have hurt someone ,,

Those days are so heartbreaking, safocating and painfull. That was Back then when I don't get into real life and leaving all good deeds behind and enjoying will all evil deeds before.

In a nutshell , I'm helpless , hearts broken because of my own ego . Crying alone in the street.

On the midst of the road I have cried for a thousand times because I cannot hold my tears of sorrow as it overflows.

When I'm lost there was noone to console me, when I'm broken there was none of helping hand. When nobody gave me a strength ,,

For I'm being against budhhas rule, lord punish me million times but after it's over plz show me the right path of life , because I'm dying in the land of sorrow

For I'm being smoker, lord take my sin for a granted and show me where could I fit right hole because i don't have enough tears to count down