Expectations

I walked until home, I'm so tired. My legs hurt now... what time is it?! I was so angry and broken that i walked all that miles forgetting that i left my car in that parking. That fucking parking. What did I expect? I always known.. he wasn't over his ex boyfriend, not a second, when we were together. He never looked at me, or even touched me, as he did with him. But I thought.. it was a matter of time.

My house is full of his clothes and stuff, and he is not even here. He's with him.... making love with him. And me... Tristan.. the eternal second choice.

The noise of my car in the street, Benji found it.  At least I don't have to walk back to that forgotten lake! Who would camping there?! There was nothing but some water.

I can hear his steps up the stairs, the door opening. I don't know how to face him, my heart is broken. My eyes.. hurt. I'm about to explode. He's here, he locks the door behind his back, he walks close but i step back and i walk around the room. He looks sad. Something happened in heaven.

B: Why.... i found your car in that parking?

T: What you think? I would have let you go alone without.. at least i tried!

B: You tried what?! I didn't see you there

T: I guess you were busy. I perfectly saw you.

B: What.. what did you see?!

T: Everything.

He's silent. He doesn't even look sad, just ..disappointed. I can't stop walking, my hands are shaking, my voice is trembling. Flashback in my head: the way he was kissing him... the way he had control on him.. the way he touched him... i can only dream about having a relationship with Benji. How can someone get over a relationship like the one they had?! I don't want to be his temporary toy, his distraction. I stop.. looking the floor for some minutes, i wish i had the right words to express what i feel, but everything is so confused.

B: I'm sorry...

Oh.. his voice just broke my thoughts. The terrible silence in this room, is heavy on my chest. His voice.. it's like far from my ears, but he's right here. I look up at him, my teary eyes looking right to him. He walk closer, i can't move... how did i fall in love with you?! Why you?!

B: I.. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry... I don't even know what to say because... i think.. i think he hates me. And now you hate me too.

T: I can understand him.

B: What?

T: Are you sure he hates you? Or.. he loves you too much to stay by your side..

B: This.. doesn't make sense!

T: It does.

Now i can see it. Jorge blocked him, he blocked every possibility to contact him. Not because he hated him, because he was trying to protect him. He loves Benji as much as he loves Jorge. But this is not the moment.. i don't wanna be part of this. It's time for a change.

T: Please pack your things. It's time for you to go home.

B: What?!? But i can't afford an apartment here and -

T: You have a house Benjamin

B: D-don't call me that...and what should I do? Go back to Madrid?!? I can't!!

T: Why not?! This is not your place anymore.. please, leave! I'm going outside.. for few hours. You have all the time to pack up.

I take my keys, don't let him answer and I go out closing the door behind me. I walk nervously to my car, leaving the house. Should i go talking to him? No.. no way... i'm so mad. And then what should I say?! He was the one being fuc- no! I can't, I don't wanna see that guy ever again.

A: Oh no... not again..

J: What?

A: Someone's walking here... it's Tristan..

J: No! I'm done, i'm dead! If he ask you something i'm dead!

I walk slowly to the van, i kinda hope nobody's inside, but i can see the light on behind the windows. I guess they're awake. I knock the door, two times, until it opens. The guy i've been talking to the phone tries to smile at me, my eyes are tearing, i try to not look inside the van.. I don't wanna see him. I have some papers with me, documents, i need to fix what i did before they leave this place.

T: This.. this is the last document we need to pay the damage..i need you to sign..

A: Oh.. it's not me.. i guess .. let me see

He grabs the papers, i can't help it, i'm looking inside.. Jorge.. i've heard his name so many times, he's sitting on the bed with a sweater on, hiding his face behind its hood. I guess he doesn't want to see me, maybe he's embarrassed. He looks so tiny and shy.. how can someone like him be so important to Benji?!

A: Ahhh yes.. Jey it's up to you, he needs your signature

I'm still looking at him, he stands up and walk to the door, our looks meet so he lows his eyes for a moment, he grabs the papers and read.

I should say something, now everything feels different. It's not his fault, i guess we both fell in the same trap.

T: I'm sorry if i hated you. Now i know i was wrong..

J: .. Are you talking to me?

T: Yeah.. of course..

J: Oh.... uhm...

T: Me and Benji.. we're not a couple, we could never be. I just.. wanted to see something that didn't existed..

J: Something he made you see..

T: What?

J: Nothing.

What did he say? Something Benji made me see.. is it the same for him?! I wanna ask him but he looks.. weird. He doesn't want to talk to me, at all, he signs the papers and give me back. He walks back to the bed without saying anything more. This is it then.. that's how it ends between us. Rivals.. but strangers. I walk away without saying anything, my heart is not so heavy anymore, now I understand.

This has never been my story, i just put myself into it because i wish i had a part in all this show. But it doesn't belong to me.