Impulsive
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[-Continuation-]
[-After An Hour(:Workplace Tour)-]
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[Hachiman's POV]
After spending a long time looking around, I somehow ended up even more behind, to the point where Hayato and the others were already gone.
The place was so silent that the loudest sound I could hear was the rustling of the early summer wind in a deserted bamboo thicket.
I tried looking around the secluded entrance when the sun began to set and the sky's colors started to change.
And there, I once again caught sight of a familiar dumpling ball hairstyle. The girl was sitting on the curb stone, hugging her knees, and pressing away at her cell phone.
"..." For a moment, I deliberated about calling out to her.
But in my hesitation, she ended up noticing me instead. "Oh, Hikki, you're late! Everyone's gone already, y'know?"
Damn! This girl is REALLY putting a lot of effort into me. She even excused herself from her otherwise social life by simply going around her group.
"Hikki! You there…?" Yuigahama waved her hand in front as I passed out, thinking.
"...yeah. I was just thinking, where did everyone go?"
She answered. "Saize."
Saize, huh?
High school students in Chiba really love Saize. It was Chiba's landmark family restaurant since the beginning of time.
Man, was it overrated? The food was cheap and tasty, so it was no surprise, I guess.
"Aren't you going?" I asked her abruptly.
"Huh?!" Yuigahama blinked. "Oh, y'see, I was kinda waiting for you, Hikki. Like… I would feel bad if you were left behind, y'know."
Yep, she is going way out of her way for my sake.
"Anyway, you go ahead and join the group. I will be leaving."
"You are not coming?"
"Actually, I was planning on ditching everyone and going home. So sorry for wasting your time. Make sure to enjoy yourself."
Why do you think I waited for everyone to leave first? It was to create an appropriate opportunity for me to go by myself.
"Hikki, wait, you know what? I am not interested in going with them, so yeah, let's go home together." Yuigahama stated her decision.
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[Impulsive.]
It is a trait that I despise the most…
Acting upon emotions while disregarding the carefully thought-out plan and then regretting it later is something I despise the most. I questioned myself many times about why someone would do that.
…and today I got the answer. And the hard way, that is.
Even then, I never would have thought I might ever be swept away by my own emotions like a noob.
How weak-willed of a person am I?
How utterly ridiculous and frustrating.
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"How is your dog?"
"....Um? Y-you remembered, Hikki?" After processing what I said, Yuigahama gazed at me in open shock, her eyes wide.
"No, I don't remember it, actually." I clarified while lying without batting an eye.
I explained further. "It's just that there was this one time you came over to my house to thank me, right? Komachi did take her sweet time to remember, but she told me about it after the incident."
"Oh, right… Komachi told you…" Yuigahama laughed feebly, a hollow smile on her face. She lowered her head furtively.
What? Don't tell me you haven't thought of it? How dumb can she be? It is just simply connecting a few dots.
Wait. On second thought, maybe I was in the wrong expecting something like that from her. Yeah, I guess being dumb adds to her charm, or that's what makes Yuigahama - the Yuigahama Yui.
"So, is the dog alright now? I hadn't got to see it again after the incident."
"Yeah. He is doing fine."
"That's good to hear." I said.
"Well, let's get going then." I added, slowly striding towards the exit as Yuighama also walked beside me.
"..."- "..."
The silence rang out between us, an extension from the stillness of before, and it made me sick. It was one of those rare occurrences where I was unable to stomach the silence.
"Well, uh, um...y-you are not mad that I hid it that it was me?" She spoke so feebly, her voice trembling slightly.
Why would I be mad at you..? And for such a silly reason at that.
If there were a rule that said one should be hated for hiding something.
Then I might be the most hated person in the world.
"Nope." I said my honest thoughts.
I added. "Actually, I was damn happy that I got to rest at home for the rest of the year."
However, the last part was a lie. I wasn't happy at all.
In fact, even if it meant I would probably never get those past life memories and have to stay the same as I was, I would always choose not to get into an accident.
This life I am living isn't fiction.
It is the REAL deal.
Even though the show never delved into my family affairs, I personally know and have experienced how worried my parents and Komichi were when they visited me for the first time.
I could see through their exterior attitudes of generalizing the incident, hiding their internal turmoil. That is definitely not something I would want them to go through.
Not just them, I could also, to some extent, see those flickering views towards me from Yuinkoshita and Yuigahama behind their cold and funny attitudes.
Regardless of the fact that they were just some variables that happened to be in my accident, I know it was traumatizing for them.
However, it was something that had already transpired, and there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was make sure I wouldn't be the cause of any disruption in their lives moving forward.
Irrespective if I had to lie and even hurt them in the initial process if I could see them not hurting them more in the future.
"I never cared about any of the stuff that happened in that incident. So yeah I am not mad at you?"
"...you don't care?" She murmured.
"Did you say something?"
Just so you know, I heard her damn clear. At times, pretending to not see or hear something is for the best.
"Umm, nothing." She shook her head.
"I was just saying, thank you for what you di–!" She didn't press any further.
But interrupted. "Uhm, Yuigahama, mind if I say something to you?"
…and maybe I should have ended our conversation here.
"Why are you being so formal all of a sudden? It's so not like you, Hikki." She commented, trying to erase the awkwardness.
…but I know it is impossible after what I am about to say.
"You know, if you are being friendly with me because of the accident, then please don't. You have no reason to worry about me. I was a loner from the beginning, and that accident had nothing to do with it."
I paused, and then I went on. "You don't have to feel sorry for me or act out of obligation."
"..." As she stared at me, I could already see a small layer of 'water' forming in her slightly reddened eyes.
"Hikki, I know you treat me like an idiot."
"Heehee… and maybe I am." She laughed nervously with her treaty eyes.
"But I can at least read the room, you know, I am not that dumb." She said, while rubbing her eyes.
"Whenever I talk with you, it is very hard, you always draw a line… between."
I did something like that hum…?
Maybe, I did.
"Idiot. You are an idiot."
She finally taunted me a little and… started to walk towards the exit.
"Later, Yuigahama." I called out, but of course I didn't get a reply.
"*Ahhhaaa..!" I let out a huge and tired sigh.
…
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You know what?
As I stated before, how I despise - Impulsive Actions.
…which I have just now committed.
There are two other things I despise.
The second one is - Money, for obvious reasons.
And the last one is… Something I mentioned before-
-Myself-
Yeah, I hate myself.
My self-loathing runs so deep that it pushes me to constantly love myself, like a lifeline preventing me from descending into darkness.
What else? I am attempting to piece something together, which requires an effort that, had you asked me before, I would have dismissed as an act of extreme foolishness.
Pathetic.
Simply pathetic of me.
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Regardless, Yuigahama Yui - You are a nice person.
Actually, she is not?
….well at least not completely, but I don't mind it.
I mean, first of all, is there anyone who is completely nice? So I would say she does fall under the category of 'nice person' in this day and age.
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[To be continued….]
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