4 Objection!
Everyone's jaws dropped when they heard Grey's request to drink the potion, even Loki's.
"Hey, kid…." Matious called out, realizing he was on the cusp of death and could [still] benefit from the Dead Man's Luck potion. "Can you give it to me instead? I'll bark and beg and give you anything you want."
"You can read, yes?" Loki asked Grey, ignoring the little person. "Namely, what's written in that description?"
"I can," the teen smiled, also ignoring Matious. "It says max luck and future misfortune. I currently have max misfortune and no luck or future. Even in a game, this potion is a dream come true."
"Bro, trust me," Loki said seriously, pointing at the potion. "You don't want that shit. You'll end up the protagonist of a Korean harem novel, get 800 chapters deep into some slaying the demon lord shit, and then in a fleeting moment of weakness—your harem will cuck you.
The betrayal won't just ruin your relationship. It'll trigger a heavily politicized trauma orgy most will dub [the cucking]. Your fans will abandon and scorn you, and feminists will claim your victimization is misogynistic propaganda designed to seed mistrust of women into adolescent youths. You'll get canceled without confirmation, the demon lord will win, and everyone will blame you.
That's what that potion will do. It's not only stupid–it's selfish. Think of the children."
The teen grimaced, looking at the bottle with a conflicted expression. Loki rolled his eyes and pressed his fingers together, "You're ruining my vibe."
Snap!
─┈━═[User Has Been Blessed]═━┈─
God Loki has given the user the blessing: Target of Obsession.
Description: People are slightly more likely to obsess over your traits. A little luck ensures that's a good thing. Note: the user can reduce the LUK provided by the blessing but cannot get it back.
Effect: LUK +3
Patron Note: Don't win and get cucked when yanderes only cost 3 LUK.
─┈━═━┈━═━┈━═━┈─
-
"Why would someone permanently give up their LUK?" Grey asked in confusion. "And what's a 'yandere?'"
"Yanderes, also known as [dream women], are emotionally obsessive companions willing to resort to violence to maintain a bond," Loki explained. "Trust me, bro–there's nothing more godly than a perfect cocktail of delusional disorder, anger issues, and trauma.
That mixture requires exactly 3 LUK. Any more than that, and you run the risk of ending up with a woman who heals the poor, and that shit just won't do. That's why I've let you lower it if you can't refuse a LUK increase."
"Wait," Grey laughed, his eyes wide with disbelief. "You're telling me that I should turn down good fortune to get a women who is—"
"Obsessively faithful, willing to do anything for you, and always ready to fight your battles?" Loki finished sarcastically. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. You should do anything necessary to get such a mythical woman, starting by pouring this cuck potion down the—"
Loki reached for the Dead Man's Luck potion in Grey's hands, but a dazzling object shot from the heavens like a meteorite, momentarily blinding everyone.
"What happened to—?" Grey began, opening his eyes and letting them adjust. To his shock, Loki was on his knees, coughing up blood. A gleaming spear pierced his neck, spilling blood down his shoulders like a waterfall.
"Hah...." Matious hiccuped, pointing at Loki's dying form in disbelief. "Haha… Hahahaha—GuKuahHhhHH!" He stopped laughing when the joints in his arm dislocated in a chain reaction, moving past his shoulder and waving through his body, popping like falling dominos.
CRaaeeacKKkkKkkKkck! SPLASH!
"I'm so glad I didn't drink that potion!" Grey quivered, watching the man's body crumple into the water like a puppet master dropping their marionette. Matious floated on the water's surface, slowly drowning, unable to stand or swim without joints. It was likely the worst death in existence.
Loki turned to Matious with teary eyes, throwing his hands to the sky. "LITTLE MAN!" he cried, releasing a tragic vibrato to mark his melodramatic grieving.
"Isn't there a spear stuck in his throat?" Minx asked in confusion, looking at the spear stuck in his throat, still gushing blood.
"Right? His voice sounds perfect." Luna chimed in, her elf ears twitching. "Even for a god, that shouldn't be possible."
Realizing the inconsistency, Loki feigned pain. "I mean, oh, no! Cough-cough! I'm dying... noooooooooo..."
"Enough of this farce!" a voice called from above. Grey looked up to see a stunning brunette clad in golden armor, brandishing a platinum sword. She was undoubtedly the person who threw the spear.
"You'll face punishment for your crimes!" she declared, soaring towards Loki, sword at the ready.
"EeeeEEEkkkk!" Loki screeched, exposing his eyelids while pulling down his face skin, "Don't kill me, Athena!" However, she didn't listen, severing his head and spraying blood everywhere.
Athena wasn't done. Without pause, she shot forward, swinging her sword at a seemingly empty space in the mist. "Oh shit!" Loki exclaimed, his real body—previously invisible—materializing. "Are you actually trying to kill me, Athena!? Not cool!"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am trying to kill you!" she huffed. "You've killed a demigod and interfered with a mortal against the Gods Alliance Pact!"
"Objection!" Loki yelled, raising his index to the sky. "Ob~ject~chi~on! That's a slanderous lie, Athena. I shall present the facts of this case!"
The brunette frowned, feeling an ominous feeling overtake her, "You prevented this mortal from drinking a potion, then gave a fake one to a demigod, thereby killing him. That's a fact."
"Objection, misstatement of evidence!" Loki declared. "Matious Little was in the process of stealing the potion he gave to a mortal. Under Article 3 Subsection F of the Gods Alliance Pact, gods are permitted to intervene to prevent another god or demigod from stealing from a mortal so long as they give it back."
Athena's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "But you didn't return it; you handed him another potion."
"Objection, mischaracterization of evidence!" he retorted brazenly. "I gave him both potions in the water, one as a return and the second as a gift. Matious Little then [requested] the toxic potion, thereby nullifying any claim I killed him. However, if you seek a culprit...."
Snap!
With a deft flick of his wrist, the god snapped his fingers and transformed into Matious, including his voice. "Hello, my name is Matious Little," he began. "As you can see, I'm still alive after drinking the potion a mortal gave me. I'm holding still and praying for the antidote that Loki coincidentally has on his person. Unfortunately—"
Loki's clone reappeared, recreating the scene, starting with Athena throwing the spear, Loki being struck, and Matious laughing before crumbling. Floating in the water on his back in Matious' form, he looked at Athena.
"I wish you had realized Loki was only feigning the theft with an illusion so I wouldn't have met such a grisly end...." Loki extracted a withered middle finger from the water, defiantly aiming it at Athena. "I'm… dead because… of you… bitch. Guh!" With a final, sardonic gasp, his hand went limp in the water.
Athena ignored the sass, analyzing the situation carefully. As claimed, a lawyer could argue she triggered the man's death—he got her good. "You planned from the start, didn't you, Loki?" she growled, watching him revert to his giga-chad form.
"Who, me?" Loki gasped, looking offended. "Why would I anticipate a dignified god like you to come to a random mortal's aid? And at that speed! Even a concerned voyeur would need to put on their panties back on—hey, hey! HEY!" he protested as she swooped down, seized him, and unceremoniously hurled him through a spatial rift.
Once Loki was gone, Athena looked at the potion in Grey's hand, "Some things are worse than death—that potion is one of them. I suggest you profit from that foolish god's intervention and toss it." Without further discussion, she collected her spears and flew through the spatial rift.
Grey, unsure of how to react, turned to the stunned women. "Hello, ladies. I have to place a hit order on the person who sent me here, and I can't do that in my current mindset. Do you mind if I join you in the hot springs momentarily? I'll leave once I figure out what the fuck just happened."
"In my 2,183 years, I have never met a man with balls as big as yours," Minx smirked, watching Grey approach the edge, sit in the water, and rest his head against a rock.
"Is that so?" Grey asked calmly. "As someone who faces genuine death threats daily, coming to a place where I can't die feels like a chore. So I might as well get something out of it."
Lilith, the redheaded angel, and Luna, the blonde elf, giggled and nodded, swimming seductively toward the teen. Both seemed interested in teasing him, if not doing more. Minx couldn't tell what the women were thinking, but she could tell they meant business.
