Unspeakable intimacy

Xie Bian was still engrossed in his reading when he heard the sound of familiar footfalls on the stairs outside the door.

He could only think to roll up the book, shove it inside his infinity pouch and close his eyes as if he had fallen asleep on the bedroll.

Fan Wujiu entered the room soundlessly, closing the door behind him with a soft thud.

He moved around the room; Xie Bian heard the rustle of fabric and assumed he was getting ready to lay down in his own bedroll on the opposite side of the room.

It surprised him then, when he felt Fan Wujiu's presence hoovering over him and then kneeling at his side. It was a struggle to remain still, but he wanted to see what he was going to do. He could feel those cold, red, eyes boring into him.

Fingers reached for the waist sash holding his outer robes together and undid it. The muscles of Xie Bian's abdomen jumped under the sudden touch. He hoped Fan Wujiu mistook his sharp inhale for a snore.

Fan Wujiu parted the two halves of Xie Bian's robe and slid it down his shoulders. Xie Bian's heart was beating so loudly he felt as if it must be echoing through the silent room. Before he could get his thoughts in order, an arm slid under his shoulders and pulled him up against Fan Wujiu's solid chest.

Xie Bian kept his body loose and pliant, but his breathing came out in irregular gasps. They were so close, he could feel the heat of Fan Wujiu's skin through the combined layers of their robes. He expected him to be cold.

They were dead, they were both dead, why was it so warm?

He felt as if he was going to break into a fever.

Fan Wujiu kept sliding the outer robe down Xie Bian's arms, slipping his limp forearms out of the sleeves. Only when Xie Bian was left in his inner robe did he lower him back onto the pillow.

With a careful hand he pulled out the hairpin securing the crown holding up half of Xie Bian's hair and let it all spill on the pillow.

Why wasn't Xie Bian putting a stop to this? He kept telling himself that he should move, pretend to wake up, but part of him wanted to see where Fan Wujiu would go -- maybe even how far he'd go.

Fan Wujiu's presence grew distant for a moment and then suddenly Xie Bian felt his breath ghost over his cheek and lips.

Why was he so close?

Did he want to kiss Xie Bian?

More importantly, was Xie Bian going to let him?

Before he could find an answer to any of these questions he felt the weight of a heavy comforter settling over his body. Fan Wujiu's nimble fingers tucked it under his chin and around his sides, making sure the warmth couldn't escape.

And then he left Xie Bian's bedside.

He waited until he was sure Fan Wujiu had slipped into his own bedroll to finally open his eyes. The only light in the room came in from the weak glow of the waning moon through the thin window's paper panes, but it was enough for Xie Bian to discern the drawn line of Fan Wujiu's shoulders and the spill of his silver hair across the plain sheets.

Both of their outer robes were neatly folded on the chair by the door.

Xie Bian watched Fan Wujiu's back until his eyes stung from exhaustion. He didn't understand him, why was he nice only when he thought Xie Bian was asleep?

Couldn't they get along in the day, too?

Xie Bian would have liked a friend. He supposed he understood Fu Shulin's desire for kinship even with a boy who had been cruel to him.

Night was the loneliest time of the day, and the distance across the small room felt as an intraversable as an abyss.

As he fell asleep, Xie Bian's mind conjured images of the floor between him and Fan Wujiu widening like a great maw, hungry to swallow them both into its dark depths.

---

In the morning, Xie Bian felt awkward, as if some unspeakable intimacy had come to pass between the two of them.

"I don't remember undressing for bed," he said, casually, while getting dressed after washing his face.

He was hoping to bait Fan Wujiu into admitting he was the one who'd done it, but he only got an uninterested hum.

Seeing as that avenue wouldn't work, Xie Bian changed tactics. "Where did you go last night? I didn't see you come in."

"Out," Fan Wujiu said, tying the plain cotton robes around his waist loosely. "You were already asleep when I got back."

"What kept you so long?"

"We should go, we don't want to leave He Ming waiting."

Xie Bian followed him out of the room with a sigh. "He doesn't have a choice but to accept us, he's down two dancers."

"We are supposed to be grateful for the opportunity," Fan Wujiu said.

They climbed down the stairs together and nodded to the inn staff in a brief greeting. Xie Bian refused the offer for breakfast with a shake of his head.

He had the impression the inn staff was always playing close attention to him and Fan Wujiu.

Outside, Fan Wujiu continued, "If you seem overconfident it might alert him that something is up. This wedding will have a lot of security, it's very important for the bride's family, and they're sparing no expense. They've become very wealthy in the past generation and are looking to raise their standing by marrying into a major sect."

That matched with what Xie Bian had managed to overhear in their infrequent outings. "Everyone is talking about it, the bride is from a smaller, sister sect to Jade Dragon Manor, Flying Carp, or something, but the groom is from Jade Dragon Manor itself."

Fan Wujiu's gaze sharpened. "That's right, and it means that there will be plenty of Jade Dragon Manor disciples attending. Including the sect leader, Tao Yuanming."