A CONFUSING THOUGHT

[ELLIS' POV]

As I scan through my papers, I've noticed that there's a jacket on my guest's chair.

It's Eros'.

I sigh, "He forgot it."

Wait.

"Or he didn't," I said as I talk to myself.

"Did he do this on purpose?"

Why?

"So, I could text or call him?" No.

I'm not going to call him or text him.

Not going to happen.

"Or, maybe, he's thinking that I will bring it to him in person, is that it?"

Shit.

Whatever.

I'm still thinking about earlier, about what we've talked about and how he says some things. There are still times that it makes me cry and happy about how he sees things. He looks so positive. The only thing that got me the negative vibes was when he left.

Things have changed since he left, especially mom, she rarely talks to customers, closes the shop early. She just buys groceries and gives allowance to me.

She and I always talk but not that much. When we talk, she always says, "He will be back. Don't worry, Ellis. Your brother will be back."

She even said that before she passed away.

Looking back, Eros did come back.

But, questions are still eating me. I want to ask him everything but I know he can't answer it all. In all honesty. I know him. He will just say positive things and how brothers should act around their little brothers. That's how he is.

Earlier, I'm honest to myself that I'm touched and moved by how he said those things to me.

His eyes... my favorite.

He's sincere.

That's why I cried without knowing I'm crying.

I want to. I want to be back again on how we used to be, I've missed the feeling, the conversations we had but... It's not how I want to. I mean, not brothers. But... more than that.

Shit.

Am I even thinking?

We're brothers for god's sake! That's that.

"My head hurts. Shit." I say as I put my hands on my head and I put my pen down.

"Should I tell him that I want him to be more than brothers? No. It's not brothers. Should I tell him I want him to be my boyfriend-"

Fuck.

No.

This is so wrong.

Ring! Ring!

"How about... Ros, let's start, by being friends again and..."

Ring! Ring!

Okay, friends. That's a good start.

"And we could be best friends, then we could be boyfrien-"

Ring! Ring!

Shit.

I looked at my phone and it's Castor.

"I forgot. I have a boyfriend." I said.

That Eros Beckett is always on my mind!

I answered it.

"Baby, I've missed you so badly!" He says.

"Yeah, you too."

"I have bad news! I'll be extending my stay here because there's trouble going on but I'm gonna fix it fast, so I could stay and make love to you!"

Great.

"When are you back?" I asked.

"I have to stay here two more weeks! But don't worry, I will update you, and don't be jealous because you're the only one."

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, be careful."

"Awww that's so sweet baby! Okay, I have to go now. I have things to take care of. Bye!"

He hangs up.

I sigh, "Now what?"

I looked again at the jacket, laying comfortably in my chair. What to do?

"But, I don't know what he'll react if he knows what I want or... will he accepts it? Shit. I don't even know if he still remembers that he kissed me before he left." I'm still talking to myself which is good for my mental health.

Also, a good thing, because my employees are busy running the store, they won't see me being crazy.

"But that kiss... does it mean something? But it means something to me! On that night, I will never forget that. And on that night, I knew that he's not straight. But... there's still no assurance that he's straight right now. He's a businessman and traveled from abroad, how would I know? I'm not sure!"

Fuck.

Whatever.

I will see him and tell him what I want.

I grab his jacket and my bag, I went out of my office and told my employees that I'll be back soon. I went out of the store and...

Where is that place again?

Pinetree Corporation.

I see a taxi from afar, I waved and the taxi stops. I went inside and said the location.

I'm coming for you, Eros.

-----

"Woah," I whisper as I arrived at the Pinetree Corporation.

"Is this the building that he's working at? Fuck, it's tall and big. I should have called Dione instead to help me but it's her day off."

Whatever, I'm already here.

I went inside and went to the registration, I think. But there are women here, so I think they can help me.

"Hi, how can I help you?" She said.

"Um..." How should I say this?

"Can I see the CEO?"

"Sorry, can you repeat that?"

"T-the CEO. Eros Beckett."

The women looked at each other and looked at me strangely.

"May I ask if you have an appointment?"

"No, but... I have to give him something."

"Sorry, we don't allow people who don't have an appointment." The woman said.

Shit.

"But, I'm telling the truth, I have to give him something that belongs to him-"

"Is there a problem here?"

I heard that voice before.

I turned around and I see Eros' secretary.

"Oh! The guy with the glasses!" I smile in relief.

He can help me!

"Good morning, sir." The woman greets the guy with glasses.

He smiles and he looks at me.

I think he was surprised that I'm here.

"Are you here to see Mr. Beckett?" He asked.

"I'm giving him back his jacket."

"I can give it to him if you'd like."

"Uhm... can I give it to him in person?"

I have to.

I will say something to him.

He didn't answer.

"Is he in a meeting?"

"Not really. I'll escort you there in his office."

My eyes lightened up.

"Thank you," I answered and the women are looking at me strangely.

-----

The elevator was quite up and this guy with glasses is really serious and quiet.

He rarely talks.

When we arrived on the 30th floor which is very very very tall and it took more than 15 minutes to get there because there are people who are stopping by and entering and leaving.

But this time, we're alone again.

I see some people who are here which is less than I thought. I think it's because it's THE CEO'S OFFICE.

"Where's your office?" I asked him.

"On the 29th." He answered.

When we arrived at his office, I quickly grab the handle of the door but the guy with the glasses stopped me.

"You have to knock first, Mr. Beckett."

He said.

I looked at him and of course, Eros is a CEO here and I'm here in his territory, I should respect him on his privacy.

"Okay," I said.

I took a deep breath.

Here it goes.

Knock! Knock!

Should I come in?

Wait. I should wait for him to say something before I come in, right?

I looked at the guy with glasses and he's not saying anything. Is he out? Did I arrive just in time or not?

"Come in." As I heard Eros' voice, I opened the door and also the guy with the glasses went inside.

I see Eros sitting on his chair and unexpectedly, there's Eryx. Again.

"Mr. Beckett, Mr. Ellis Beckett is here to see you." The guy with the glasses said.

"El, I didn't know you would come." He said and he stood up from his seat to approach me.

"Ellis." Eryx smiles.

"You could have left me a text or call me."

"Uhm, y-your jacket. You left your jacket at the store." I say to him and I brought it out of my bag, I folded it neatly, it's expensive I know that's why I took care of it.

And also, it's his!

"Awww you cutie." Eryx reacted as he approaches me.

"Eryx, you still have something to do right?"

"Fineee, I'll text you." He said and he left.

Text him.

Are they texting every day?

Shit. Whatever it is that I'm thinking... is not right. But... why is it so hard not to think about that guy being around with Eros all the time? They've been together for years since high school and I've seen him many times acting rough and cool in front of Eros.

"Thank you," Eros said when he gets his jacket.

He's closer again from me and my eyes landed on his collar and tie. Why is it crooked and loose? He can't breathe? He's stressed over something?

Eryx was here earlier and I've noticed from him, his necktie was also loose.

Did something happen here?

My head hurts thinking about these things.

"El?"

I woke up from my thoughts, I looked at him and he's already wearing the jacket and he fixed his collar and tie.

"Ros," I called.

"Hm? Are you excited to hang out?"

"Uhm..."

What now? There's also a purpose why I'm here. It's not just about the jacket but the REAL PURPOSE.

"I have something to s-say," I say.

Okay, I have to let it out.

"Mr. Beckett, it's time for your rounds."

The guy with the glasses said.

Shit.

I have to do this quickly.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. I will do that later." Eros' said.

"Mr. Beckett, the employees are waiting."

Quick, Ellis. Tell him!

He sighs, "Okay, okay. El, sorry, we can hang out after work, okay? I'll call you."

He's about to leave but I stopped him by saying,

"I have a boyfriend!"

FUCK.

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