22. Peace

The lamp is flickering erratically as the night breeze picks up and I shiver visibly as the chill creeps through my skin and my knuckles ache. A minute after Elian announced that we'd leave, a butler had appeared out of nowhere with something that seemed like a first aid kit.

The alcohol rub hurt much more than I'd remember but it has been a while since I got hurt.

"I have called for the carriage. It will be a few minutes." Elian's voice rings out of nowhere and I turn to him, caught off-guard. He looks at me, and at my arms crossed in front of me but he doesn't make any comments.

"Thanks…" I press my lips together, looking around for something to say, "...and I am sorry."

"Don't worry." He replies immediately but it sounds incredibly awkward coming from him. He clears his throat, and continues, "Hold the cloth properly."

"What? Oh." I mumble, suddenly aware of the wet cloth I have been absently pressing against my cheek. It's only a wet cloth but it's not so cold anymore now that it has been against the hot surface of my bruised cheek for a while.

"Their storehouse ran out of ice. I'm sure there's plenty at our estate."

"Hmm." I give in reply, not feeling like giving a reply.

The silence drips in, as always, and suddenly to me, the lamp right beside me is the most interesting thing to ever exist in the whole world. It is metal, probably iron and at the foot, I can see that it is beginning to rust slightly above the green moss of the stone pathway. A light weight falls on my shoulders and when I look, it's Elian's navy coat. I feel its warmth in contrast to the cold breeze, immediately cozy.

I look at Elian who is standing with his white shirt and a shiny black cummerbund around his waist, hands behind his back and he is looking around the landscaping of the front yard. He really is an ancient man, isn't he? Well, everyone's ancient here, just to be fair.

"Does it really take this long?" I ask.

"Pardon?"

"The carriage. It's taking a long time."

"Ah, yes. The stallions are usually resting in the stable. They have to be strapped back to the carriage."

"Look, Elian." I bring the coat around me, feeling actually warmer. "I am sorry for creating a fuss."

A pause.

"It was not a fuss." He slowly articulates each syllable.

"Yeah, well, I have eyes. I saw that it was."

Elian gives me a criticizing look,

"You really haven't changed at all, have you?"

I manage to smile at him, not giving him a reply but it seems that he doesn't want the silence to hang on to us because it's not long before he starts to initiate a talk again.

"Look up." He suddenly instructs in his bossy tone. Giving him a questioning look, I turn to him and his finger is now tucked under my chin, and using that, he raises my face up. I stare at the canvas of his face as he squints in the yellow light to my neck. He moves his eyes up to my cheek and delicately, he nudges the cloth away and directs my cheek to the light. He takes in a deep contemplating breath and sighs. His voice tickles the hair near my ear when he whispers softly,

"It's bruised." He whispers, rubbing his hand lightly on my neck.

"Well…" I scoff at his words, "No shit Sherlock."

Elian looks at me, and his face is quite close. Something in his frowning eyes that I can't quite pinpoint out.

"If anything, I shouldn't have let that happen."

"Yeah, actually you shouldn't have left at all." I accuse him jokingly, my tone light and breezy but Elian seems to have taken it to heart. He frowns to himself as his face glows orange with black shadows under the lamp.

"It was a joke." I clarify, deadpanned.

But he doesn't reply immediately or even for a while and I glance behind him, detecting a small moving shadow along the pathway. I squint.

That must be the carriage, finally.

"It's partly my fault, as the alpha."

I snap my attention back to him at that. A lump rising in my throat as it grew in my chest and I feel that I need to let it out. My chest is growing heavy and I would burst soon.

"What is you people and all that shit?" I ask fiercely and gesture my hands in frustration, "Alpha? Omega? That's all I've ever heard since I came here and honestly…" I shake my head, "I am tired so can you please shut up about that until I feel a little better?"

"I apologize." It's his usual leveled tone, and as though a switch is set off in me, I continue to rage about it.

"It's confusing, okay? I don't understand what is happening. I don't." I yell, huffing with energy as I turn my face away from him in one swift motion.

Shit. My lips are starting to quiver, gravitating downwards like a classic sad smiley and I take a deep breath, trying to stabilize it and hopefully, not look like an emoji.

Double shit. I curse inside me as soon as I notice that my vision is going out of focus. Looking down, my shoes are now a blurry mess of white as water floods my eyes. I am so concentrated on it that I fail to catch the clip-clop of the horseshoe on the stone road as the carriage approaches us.q

"Adian."

"Hm." I clear my throat, turning my face away from Elian and looking straight up at the lamp. I feel the water in my eyes roll straight down my cheeks and now there's no going back now. They are now tears and I am crying.

"The carriage is here."

"Umm...yeah," I mumble in a restrained voice. I quickly raise my hand to wipe away the tears before it's exposed when it stops midway.

"What's the matter?" Elian questions, moving my raised arm out of the way and leaning over to take a look at my face. I twist my body away from him but he moves in front of me immediately. This annoying prick.

I whip my head up and at the blurry outline of an orange Elian, I give my fiercest glare.

"Don't touch me." I croak, and Elian loosens his hand, letting my hand free. I take it back and rub it across my face fervently. In reality, I know I am slowly breaking down because my eyes are letting go of tears that are like kids playing with slides at the park. It's simply not stopping with one following the other.

"Fuck." I curse, rubbing the entire length of sleep across my eyes horizontally, "Yeah, I know. The carriage is here." I sniff at the end of the sentence

Slowly, I feel a sturdy arm gingerly wound around my shoulders and steadily it guides me into Elian's half embrace. I bury my face deep into his shirt which is about to be soaked thoroughly soon and I inhale deeply, but it ends up making a funny noise because of the snot. Under my tender cheek that is beginning to swell, Elian's chest rumbles slightly and I try to reprimand him for laughing at me but sadly, I don't find the voice in me to even speak up.

"Blow." Elian instructs as he shoves a handkerchief into my nose.

Oh lord, I blow my nose into his clean, starched handkerchief and the horrendous sound seems to echo into the stillness. I wince as he wipes my nose, feeling the fabric scrap against my nose and Elian leans in, inspecting my face.

Pushing his face away, I sigh through my clear nose and push my face deeper into the curve of his shoulder. There is a strange comfort in feeling the heat emitting from him and I rest my weight on him, letting go of all tension.

Somewhere there is the faint hallucination of a cicada's buzzing and the stallion harrumphs with impatience but I cannot care less.

Because for the first time since I woke up in this place, I feel something in me that resembles peace.