1 EVA

Getting up in the morning is really a kind of agony :

who wouldn't like to stay in bed all day to sleep, especially during the winter days when it's really very cold and you don't want anything else than to stay under the warm blankets and drink a chocolate, but unfortunately life is never that simple, so I have to get up and get ready for another difficult school day.

I'm not the kind of girl who likes to show off, I'm not at all popular in school, I'm just a simple girl who always tries to do her best :

I try to always be sweet to everyone, I try to make everyone happy, I try to do everything I can to be happy and make those around me happy and I have to say that is really a very difficult thing.

Many times, life tends to bring me down:

it's like I try to take one step forward, but soon after I take twenty steps back and this thing demoralizes me.

I always try to commit myself and what does life do? life never gives me much satisfaction and the more I go on the more I realize that I have committed a grave sin in my past life and now in my current life, I am paying for it.

what nonsense.

I start this day with a cup of coffee without sugar, put on my makeup and get dressed very quickly, say goodbye to my mother, who is the only member of my family, and take the bus.

My school is not very far from my house, it's about fifteen minutes by bus so let's say the trip is not that traumatic.

i have never been a genius at school, if i have to be honest, i would love to be good at school, but unfortunately, despite the effort i always put into my studies, sometimes i fail miserably and this makes me very sad.

once, just out of curiosity, I took an IQ test and it turned out that my IQ was below the national average, so I was pretty much stupid, and that day I cried a lot, but I tried not to think about it anymore.

to be honest, I don't know what's wrong with me either, I study theory very well, but I can't do practice well, I mean it's like I'm studying, but my studying is practically useless because I lack logic.

In short I'm kind of a disaster, even with school unfortunately.

Every time I think about my future, I feel an emptiness inside, I am really afraid of what might happen to me in the future :

I'm afraid of living alone and sad, I'm afraid of not being able to have a job, I'm afraid of being a complete failure, I don't even know what university to choose and in less than two years I will have my high school diploma : in short I'm only eighteen and I'm afraid of everything that can happen to me in the future.

I had the idea of abandoning my studies and going to work, just to be able to help my mother to pay the bills of the house, but my mother has absolutely discouraged me to abandon my studies, because in today's society it is virtually impossible to find a satisfactory job without having a degree or diploma in hand, so I have to grit my teeth for another eight years more or less and finally I can say goodbye to the study.

But it's eight years, eight very long years: easy to say, hard to do.

every morning is always the same story :

I have too many thoughts in my head and I'm only a very young girl with my whole life ahead of me and yet, I seem to be in a continuous agony, I seem to be in a vicious circle in which I seem to be sinking more and more, I just want to be a carefree girl, I only wish I could toast every day and not think about anything at all, I wish I could stop crying, but this is life, life is like a pendulum in constant movement and the pendulum goes from moments of sadness, to moments of boredom, without ever stopping at moments of happiness.

Classes always go by very quickly at school :

of course there are moments as boring as physics or math, but the school hours pass by and in my school, the physical education hours are done in the afternoon, so as soon as the classes are over, there is a small lunch break and then you have to go directly to the locker room to change and do some physical activity.

P.E. time never appealed to me.

It's not that I don't like to exercise, but I really don't like being judged by other girls or always living in constant agony of looking at other girls with beautiful bodies.

every time I go into the locker room to change, I notice that there are very tall and very thin girls and according to society the ideal beauty, a thin body, free of cellulite and stretch marks, is an automatically perfect body and how can I live, in a society made in this way, if I have slightly large thighs and cellulite?

There are two options: either I should learn to love myself, which I think is practically impossible at the moment, or I should continue to self-criticize myself and feel very bad all the time.

my best friend, her name is Rosé, just like wine, and she is one of those girls that I consider suitable for the current society.

she is really something magnificent, she is a quite tall girl, with a tanned complexion, she has freckles and her hair is a beautiful ash blonde and she has a personality that everyone loves and I am sincere I envy her so much, because she has everything I don't have, but she is a part of me, we have known each other since we were little and she has always been there for me and sometimes I wonder why she chose to be my best friend even though we are completely opposite in everything.

"Hi Eva, how are you today?" she says patting my back.

"Hi Rosé, I'm fine, so what could have changed in my life from yesterday to today? and how are you?" I say smiling at her.

"I'm fine, although I'm really very tired, at the weekend as I told you I went to Noa's birthday party..."

I had completely forgotten that she had gone to Noa's birthday party, also because I have never been convinced by that guy, he has always given me negative feelings, so I did not pay attention to the fact that Rosé had gone to his birthday party.

"Speaking of Noa's birthday, how was your night?" I ask, pretending to be interested in it.

"everything went really well, if you want we can go home together today and then in the meantime we'll stop at a coffee shop so we can talk about it.... would that be okay with you eva?"

" okay rosé " I say, tying my sneakers.

"come on girls hurry up, you're late for class!" says the PE teacher.